


Paper Thin

by Krobyn



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Emotional Manipulation, Eventual Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magnus is heartbroken but flirty, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, alec is awkward, everyone is human, from Camille and Maryse, mentions of minor character death, very small amounts of Magnus/Camille at the beginning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-06-08 13:06:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 29,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6855883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krobyn/pseuds/Krobyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec has grown used to the constant noises coming from his neighbors, but it still annoys him to no end. Until one day, the chatter stops. Over time, Alec gets more and more worried. And that's how he ends up knocking on Magnus' door, even though he barely knows the guy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This story was inspired by [this](http://perfectlyrose.tumblr.com/post/127492453945/ladiieschoice-ok-but-a-your-apartment-is-next/) prompt I saw on tumblr. This is a bit of a prologue.

Alec is miserable. Well, _more_ miserable than normal.

As if on cue, bubbly feminine laughter pierces the walls between the two apartments. Alec glances at the clock, and groans. It's 7 in the morning, how can anyone be happy this early in the morning? He pushes the thin white bedsheet off of his body, and reluctantly pulls himself into a sitting position on the side of his bed. He's in the middle of running a palm down the side of his face in a futile attempt to wake himself up when the noise from next door becomes a steady rhythm of thumps as their bed knocks into the paper thin wall.

Alec hates his neighbors for many reasons, but this is number one on his list. An unhelpful voice in the back of Alec's head informs him that he hates that they're happy, because it makes his own loneliness impossible to ignore. He chooses to ignore the voice, and tries to push his disgustingly happy neighbors to the back of his head. His shift at the library begins in an hour, which sounds much more enjoyable than wallowing in self pity all day.

* * *

  
"Hey big bro!" Isabelle saunters towards Alec, a thick book tucked against her chest that Alec's certain is unrelated to her beauty major.

"Don't you have class work to do?" He asks once she's close enough for him to read the title of the book. _The Raven Boys_. Not class related, after all.

"Wow, you're more of a buzzkill than usual today." Izzy replies with a grin.

"Neighbors are annoying." Alec explains, sliding the book he's holding into its designated spot on the shelf before grabbing another. Izzy just shakes her head, and trails off towards the seating area.

* * *

  
After Alec's positively thrilling afternoon law class, he lets himself into his surprisingly quiet apartment. He's about to step into the shower to wash away the day he's had, when the chatting and laughter that's been plaguing him for months finally makes its second appearance today. He steps in, relishing in the sound of the water currents as they drown out his neighbors. The sharp ringing of his phone snaps him out of his reverie. He haphazardly wraps himself in a towel before answering.

"Hello?" Alec says, realizing too late that he forgot to check the caller ID.

"Hey man." Jace's voice calls from the other end, the sound immediately easing some of Alec's tension. He's missed Jace.

"Jace! How're things back home?" Alec asks, letting himself out of the bathroom to rummage for some acceptable sweatpants.

"Boring. If I have to spend one more weekend here alone with our parents, I'm going to lose my mind. So I've decided I'm visiting you and Izzy this weekend." Jace replies, earning a chuckle from Alec. Alec and Izzy moved away from home four months ago to be closer to the college they're both attending, leaving Jace to fare with their parents attempts to recruit him into the family business alone. "How're things with you?"

"Ugh, don't get me started. I have the noisiest neighbors _ever_." Alec mutters, not caring about the obvious petulance in his tone.

 

* * *

 

 

Alec's alarm jars him awake at 8 AM the next morning, and the first thing he notices is the silence. His morning routine, normally full of aggravating laughter and other obscenities, is completely quiet. He leaves his apartment right as someone knocks on his neighbors door.

"Magnus, let me in!" There's no answer, so the stranger knocks again. Alec makes his way into the elevator, and pushes the ground button. The doors close just in time for him to hear the stranger call again for Magnus, "Come on, I brought your favorite ice cream!"

Alec recognizes the universal sign of a break-up. Even though he doesn't know his neighbors, despises them even, his heart drops.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, Alec and Magnus meet.


	2. Let Me In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus finally meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I was not expecting the responses I got from you guys! Thank you for the comments, bookmarks, and kudos! To the commenters: I've actually never read Wallbangers, but it sounds amusing! I may give it a try.  
> Follow me on [tumblr](http://light-bane.tumblr.com/) so we can scream about malec together! I post when I'm about to start writing, so you'll know a new chapter is coming soon.
> 
> I'm not 100% certain that my usage of 'whom' in this chapter is grammatically correct. My apologies if it isn't!

The crushing guilt takes Alec by surprise. He's not a bad person, he never truly meant for this to happen, right? He just wanted them to be quiet every now and then, not _permanently_. But now that he's gotten his wish, he misses the laughter at 3 in the morning. He misses their relaxed voices through the wall as they enjoy each other's company.

Weeks pass, the silence from next door becoming more and more deafening. Alec's heading out for his shift at the library, when he sees his neighbor for the first time. Even though the heartbreak shows in subtle ways, such as smudged makeup that he doesn't feel the need to fix, Magnus is _gorgeous_. His black jeans are obscenely tight, and his flashy burgundy shirt shows an alarming amount of chest. The deep red compliments his bronze skin tone, and Alec can tell that this man has more fashion sense than he ever will.

"I don't think we've met. I'm Magnus. You new here?" Magnus says, his voice as soft as velvet. A flush creeps up Alec's neck as he realizes he's been staring at the man, adding a nice rose tint to his pale skin. He doesn't miss Magnus' warm brown eyes traveling up and down his body, and he feels his flush deepen.

"Alec. I've been here for four months, actually. I'm, uh..." Alec trails off, rubbing the back of his head as he racks his brain for something to say that isn't overly awkward.

"Not the social type?" Magnus offers, and the way he tilts his head slightly to the side is hypnotizing. Alec has never met anyone with such interesting mannerisms.

"Yeah, pretty much." Alec replies, earning a small smile from Magnus. The sun filtering in from the hall window is hitting Magnus just right, reflecting off of the glitter in his eyeliner and drawing Alec's attention. For someone who is so obviously heartbroken, Magnus has the kindest eyes Alec has ever seen. They almost make him forget that he has somewhere to be.

"I should really..." Alec trails off, motioning towards the elevator and silently cursing his absurdly hot neighbor.

"Right. You wouldn't want to be late for... Work? Class? Visiting your girlfriend?" Magnus asks, his tone inquisitive and somewhat flirtatious. 

"Work. It was nice to finally meet you, Magnus." Alec rushes out, and hurries towards the elevator to keep himself from telling his hot neighbor whom he's just met that he's painfully single. Their conversation plays on repeat the whole way to the library, and Alec can't stop the goofy grin from spreading across his lips.

He's five minutes late.

 

* * *

 

Alec only receives a 'just be more careful next time' before his supervisor ushers him towards a stack of books that need to be put away. Back to normal, apparently. Alec is eternally grateful. That is, until his eyes land on his younger sister's perfectly styled dark hair. Maybe his good luck will continue, and she won't notice his tardiness?

"Where have you been?" Izzy asks, and Alec sighs. No such luck. He's tempted to lie, but he knows Izzy won't judge him. Tease him, sure, but she's never treated Alec differently because of his sexuality.

"I met my neighbor today." Alec reveals, dreading where this conversation is going because Izzy's eyes are already shining with excitement. She knows him too well.

"The one who has been annoying you for months?"

"Yeah, well, it seems like he's single now, so..." Alec replies, narrowing his eyes at his sister as she grins.

"Is he hot?"

"...Yes." Alec sighs. Izzy claps her hands together, and Alec wishes he'd chosen to lie to her instead.

 

* * *

 

Over the next few weeks, Alec seems to run into Magnus more and more. Magnus always sends him a gentle smile, but Alec can see the sadness in his eyes. Alec isn't sure if it's because of the guilt, or if it's because the man is incredibly hot, but he decides he's going to do something about it.

And that's how he ends up in front of Magnus' apartment, knocking on the wooden door before he can talk himself out of it. Magnus swings the door open, eyes widening a bit when they land on Alec.

"Hey, uh... Are you busy?" Alec asks, hoping Magnus doesn't notice the tremble in his voice. Magnus makes a noncommittal sound and lifts the movie in his hand to show Alec.

"A friend of a friend suggested I watch _The Graduate_. So no, not really."

"Never heard of it." Alec mutters absentmindedly, studying the cover. The movie looks old.

"Care to join me? If it's terrible, we can make fun of it together." Magnus suggests, looking up at Alec in a way that would be considered shy if it was coming from anyone else. Alec muses to himself that perhaps coy would be a more accurate word. Alec's subtle nod is exactly the response Magnus was hoping for, who beams as he opens his door wider for his neighbor to slip through.

Not surprisingly, Magnus' apartment is _extravagant_. Beautiful and probably expensive artwork hangs on every wall, as well as thin strips of wood with intricate designs carved into them. The accent rug under his luxurious red velvet couch resembles a colorful mandala; swirls of reds, greens, and browns giving the living room a warm, welcoming feel. Alec's dull apartment feels like a prison cell in comparison. No wonder the woman Alec heard through the walls always sounded so happy here.

"No movie is complete without popcorn." Magnus winks at Alec, appearing from the kitchen to place a large white bowl of popcorn on the coffee table. He disappears into the kitchen again as he asks, "What would you like to drink?"

"Uh, water is fine." Alec replies, noticing the glass of alcohol in Magnus' hand and deciding it would be a really bad idea to drink. Magnus nods and returns with two glasses of water, and Alec muses to himself that Magnus must not like to drink alone.

Magnus pops the disc in and falls into place on his couch with more grace than was probably necessary, but Alec is impressed regardless.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the boys watch The Graduate together. I may or may not have to actually watch the movie.


	3. Alexander

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Complete and utter fluff. If you've been wanting Magnus' POV, here you go. This is relatively unedited because I was in a rush to upload it, apologies!

If Magnus is being honest, he was absolutely intending to get laid tonight. He isn't sure who he expected to see knocking on his door, but Alec is pretty low on that list. Still, he remembers the thrill that shot through him as he took in Alec's shy form, intoxicating hazel eyes reluctantly meeting his own after a few moments. His mouth opens and he's inviting Alec inside before the rational side of his brain can remind him of the hundreds of reasons why it's a bad idea. Magnus doesn't claim to be altruistic, but the motive behind his invitation definitely isn't innocent. But after the damage Camille did, a steamy one night stand with his lovely neighbor is the least Magnus deserves.

But as he watches Ben pine for Elaine, Magnus can't fight the thick jealousy that bubbles in his chest. Magnus feels almost like he's being mocked, like the movie was filmed just to make him hyper aware of the lack of people fighting for his love. The desire for his very own Ben burns through to his core, and he excuses himself to search for something to soothe him. Magnus feels his face light up when he finally remembers the stash of ice cream waiting for him in his freezer.

And that's how he ends up wrapped in at least 3 blankets, knees tucked against his chest as he skillfully balances a tub of ice cream between them. Every now and then he notices a slight chuckle from the man sitting on the other end of the couch, and Magnus is suddenly aware of how awkward this is. Without the 'netflix and chill' pretense that Magnus was initially aiming for, it's just... two acquaintances watching an old romantic movie together. How does Magnus keep getting himself into these situations?

'Elaine!' Ben calls from Magnus' unnecessarily large flatscreen TV, drawing the attention of everyone in the chapel. Around the fifth time he calls her name, Alec sighs.

"How many times is he going to yell her name? Seriously-" Alec pauses to look at Magnus, immediately losing his train of thought once his eyes land on the sight next to him-"...When did you get ice cream?"

"An hour and a half ago, if I had to guess." Magnus shrugs, dropping his spoon into the long-empty container. He mentally curses Camille for turning him into this mess; for ruining his chance of charming his neighbor into bed. Alec looks like he's struggling to form something into words, and while Magnus still doesn't know Alec very well, he knows he's practically been wearing his broken heart on his sleeve.

"I'm sure you're wondering about... this," Magnus says, gesturing towards the blankets and his general state of being the complete opposite of sexy. He watches Alec pull his bottom lip between his teeth to gently chew on it, and Magnus vaguely wishes he'd chosen a movie that hadn't turned him into such a pathetic mess.

"To be honest- and I don't know how to word this in a way that isn't creepy- but I could hear you two laughing and talking for months. Sometimes at 4 AM, when I needed to be awake for work in two hours." Alec forces the words out, grimacing slightly. Magnus can tell the other man feels awkward, but he just finds it endearing.

"So, you're telling me Camille and I-" Magnus notices the way Alec glances up at the mention of her name, an expression on his face that Magnus surprisingly can't read, "-have been keeping you awake for months, but you still came to check on me?"

"Well, now that you mention it, it does sound silly," Alec mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding eye contact.

"No, not at all! Really, thank you Alec. Alexander?" Magnus wonders aloud, marveling in the way Alec's eyes snap up to meet his at the mention of his full name.

"Yeah. I-It's nothing, I just..." Alec stumbles with his words, and Magnus feels a curious warmth forming in his chest. If he'd known his neighbor was this intriguing, he would've asked Camille to cheat on him four months ago.

"I can't wait to tell Ragnor that my lovely neighbor cares about me more than he does, despite just meeting me a few weeks ago." Magnus feels himself grin at the thought. He can't wait to see the look on Ragnor's face; can already hear his friend's voice teasing him. Suddenly a loud ring tears through the silence, pulling Magnus back to the present and startling both of them. Alec looks at the screen, and swears when he reads the flashing name. Magnus adds that to his-alarmingly quickly growing- list of things about Alec that intrigue him.

"Sorry, I need to take this," Alec says, and Magnus can read the regret all over the man's face. He's not used to people actually meaning it when they say 'sorry.' Magnus smiles and gestures for him to go ahead.

"Hey Jace, you here already?" Alec asks the man on the other end of the phone, and Magnus has to fight not to chuckle at Alec's attempt to seem normal. The hand not holding his phone is resting on his hip, and there's a forced casual air to his posture that seems like it's trying to scream, 'I didn't just watch a romantic movie with my neighbor, why do you ask?' He looks like he's been caught, and Magnus is thrilled by those implications.

"Sure am. You going to let me in sometime tonight?" Magnus hears the voice through Alec's phone and, not surprisingly, from the hallway. Alec hears it too, of course, and exhales sharply from his nose while closing his eyes. Definitely caught. Magnus wishes he had more context behind the expression on Alec's face.

"Y-Yeah, one second." Alec presses the end button, and turns to Magnus with his lip caught between his teeth again.

"I have to go." Magnus finds a hint of regret in Alec's furrowed brow, and decides he doesn't like it. He wishes he knew more, so he could find something to say to ease Alec's tension.

"Of course. Hey, Alexander-" Alec turns to go, stopping at the sound of his full name again- "I meant it earlier. Thank you." Alec gives him a small smile, nodding subtly. Magnus reins in his courage, and takes a few steps forward.

"It was nice getting to know you. Let's do this again." Magnus watches Alec's smile spread into a cheesy grin, before the other man finally ducks out of the apartment with a quiet, "Yeah, let's."

Magnus meant to get laid tonight. But Alexander, a one night stand? That truly would've been a shame.

 

* * *

 

"What's wrong with you?" Catarina asks, brown eyes narrowing with suspicion. For such a caring woman, Magnus is amazed by how cruel she can be sometimes. He's grown to expect it from Ragnor, but _Catarina_? Really, he needs new friends.

"Nothing," Magnus answers with a tone that doesn't convince anyone, not even himself.

"No, I definitely see it," Ragnor joins in, pointing at Magnus and moving to get a closer look. He tilts his head to the side, eyes widening once he finally spots it.

"Aha! Catarina, look. It's his eyeshadow!" Magnus rolls his eyes at his friend's victorious antics, and shrinks back when Catarina joins Ragnor, unintentionally crowding him into his kitchen table.

"You're right! It's flawless. Magnus, really? Already?" She crosses her arms, and Magnus wonders how she manages to look so serious while wearing mint green scrubs. Magnus would never be caught dead in that shade of green, and he muses to himself that Catarina would be livid if she could read his mind right now.

"I don't know what you're talking about. You two so cruelly abandoned me, maybe I got all made up for myself?"

"You're unreal." Catarina exclaims, Ragnor shaking his head in disbelief beside her.

"See-" Magnus fishes for the nearest object, which turns out to be a fork, and waves it at them pointedly-"Alec would never judge me so harshly."

He uses this opportunity to push his way through them, smiling to himself. Bringing Alec into his life is the _only_ good thing Camille has ever done for him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, the plot thickens. Light-bane on tumblr


	4. Distracted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus drools over Alec, gets some coffee, and then drools over Alec some more. Believe it or not, there is actually a hint of plot in this one. Follow me on [tumblr](http://light-bane.tumblr.com)

Magnus is no stranger to hot people. What's new to him, however, is the effortless kindness that seems to flow from Alec. The insecure set of Alec's shoulders has been haunting his thoughts all weekend. No matter how insistent his friends are with their Camille bashing, Magnus' mind is stuck on the man next door. He wonders if he'll ever hear from Alec again after the spectacle he put on Friday night.

That thought makes him regret these last four months that he's spent falling in love with someone that will never feel the same. His time would've been much better spent chatting up his sexy, kind, and intriguing neighbor. His neighbor whose presence has a curious affect on the broken heart beating in his chest.

And his thoughts are far too serious this early in the morning. Magnus pulls himself out of his warm bed with a groan. A trip to Magnus' favorite coffee shop is in order, so he strolls over to his fully stocked closet and thumbs through his shirts until he finds the right one. The cyan silk feels pleasant against his skin as he slips it on, which brightens his morning a little. The only thing that could lift his spirits even more is a nice line of gold under his kohl eyeliner, so he indulges himself. The color matches the sequins adorning the deep opening of his shirt.

The coffee shop isn't far, so he takes off on foot. They make the most exquisite caramel macchiatos that Magnus has ever tasted. It's nice to look forward to something other than seeing his gorgeous neighbor, which marks a grand total of ten minutes that Magnus has gone without thinking about Alec. To be fair, Alec is _really hot_.

The door jingles as Magnus opens it, drawing the attention of someone with a familiar face. Magnus thinks his name is Sherwin, but he really doesn't care. Regardless of the man's name, he's the one that suggested Magnus watch _The Graduate_. So Friday is all his fault.

"Magnus!" Sheldon's entire face lights up. He should really learn this guy's name before Raphael gives him hell. "Did you like the movie?"

Magnus finds it amazing that he can practically see Simon's body vibrating with excitement. Right, Simon is his name. It's a small victory though, because Magnus knows Raphael doesn't need a valid reason to give him a hard time.

"I need to find my own Ben," Magnus replies, giving Simon a wistful smile. Or perhaps he needs someone like Elaine, who will sacrifice their status quo in order to be with him. He takes a deliberate step closer to the counter, hoping Simon gets the hint that he isn't here for a social call. Thankfully, Simon seems to notice.

"Right, what can I get for ya?" Simon fixes his lopsided hat, trying -and failing- to achieve the image of professionalism. Okay, maybe Simon is growing on him a little. He has a sort of nerdy charm.

"Medium caramel macchiato, please." He hands Simon a few dollar bills and watches him make the drink, at a loss for anything else to do. In no time Simon is pushing the hot drink into Magnus' hands, who utters a quick 'thanks.'

The warm sun welcomes Magnus as he steps outside, the fall air just the right temperature. He ventures to the outside seating area and settles into one of the chairs. He watches numerous peach tinted leaves blow by, enjoying the serenity. As distracting as Alec has been, there's still that dull ache to remind him that he's recovering from a nasty break up. He grips the coffee cup with both hands and lifts it to his mouth. The steaming liquid calms his mind as it hits his tongue.

From his resting spot in the fenced in seating area, he notices two men crossing through the parking lot a short distance away. The blond one has a confident walk. His hair is perfectly slicked back, his black leather jacket clings to his body nicely, and Magnus would find him somewhat attractive if it weren't for the man walking next to him. Magnus nearly chokes on his coffee, breath hitching in his throat. Alec grabs the door to the gym and holds it open for the blond man, unaware of Magnus' presence quite a few feet away.

Alec's eyes flick up as he's about to enter the building, finally landing on Magnus. Even from this far away Magnus can see the shock on his face. Eventually the surprise breaks into a blinding grin as he lifts his hand in a wave. Magnus' responding wave is uncharacteristically shy, suddenly hyperaware that he's sitting alone in public. Alec must think he's pathetic.

Magnus drops his gaze to the foamy drink in his hands and lets out a shaky breath. His attraction to Alec was bad enough as it was _before_ he caught him going to the gym. He probably shouldn't fantasize about what his neighbor looks like shirtless while he's sitting outside in public, so with a deep sigh Magnus forces himself out of his seat. Ragnor and Catarina are probably awake by now, and he doesn't want to keep them waiting, anyway.

He ponders Alec's body the whole way home.

  


* * *

  


Magnus is lounging on his couch reading a book when he hears the telltale rustling of keys next door. It clicks shut after a few silent moments. Magnus purses his lips, reaching for every reason he can find to stay where he is. He doesn't find a single one.

Fierce motivation that he didn't realize he still had leads him to Alec's door. Alec responds to his knocking immediately, swinging the door open and greeting him with a marginally less confused expression this time. His eyes are heavy with exhaustion, which seems to override everything else.

"Alexander, hi!" Magnus smiles to himself as Alec's eyes travel down his body, a flush creeping up the other man's neck. "Are you busy?"

"Not at all," Alec replies, opening his door wider and motioning for Magnus to come in. He follows Alec inside, who flops himself down on his cheap white couch and throws his head back, eyes closed. Magnus can't stop himself from admiring the man, eyes studying his face, travelling down the expanse of his neck, to the sleeveless shirt exposing the muscles Magnus has been curious about all day. He swallows hard and tears his gaze away.

"I wanted to apologize for Friday," Magnus reveals, taking a few steps closer to Alec, who finally opens his eyes to shoot him an inquisitive glance.

"What for?" The question makes Magnus pick at his nail polish, his courage evaporating. Still, he wants Alec to know what happened, wants someone to talk to other than Catarina and Ragnor. He loves them, he really does, but they've been less than supportive. Both have probably said 'I told you so' at least ten times since the break up.

"The movie reminded me of what happened with Camille, and I just..." He trails off with a shrug, struggling to find the right words. Alec's sympathetic smile tells him that there's no need, he already understands. It's a strange feeling.

"I've been wondering, but wasn't sure if you were ready to talk about it." Alec's voice is gentle, the tone makes Magnus feel almost safe enough to bare his soul. For now, he'll settle for the story that's been hanging between them for weeks now.

"Long story short, I fell in love with her. When I told her that, she laughed and asked me if I was serious." Magnus pauses to glance at Alec, who's listening intently. There's a hint of disgust in his features, which is exactly what Magnus has been hoping for. He doesn't even consider the possibility that it's directed towards him, knows instinctively that it isn't. "I found out the next day that she'd been sleeping with someone out of state. When I broke up with her, she said I was being unreasonable, that _she_ didn't want to be with _me_ anymore."

"God Magnus, I'm sorry." Magnus finds the squint of his eyes adorable as he says it. Talking about her normally upsets him, but there's an unusual warmth spreading through his chest.

"Me too. I just, figured it was time to tell you the truth about your pathetic neighbor." Magnus flashes Alec a lopsided smile, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"You're not pathetic." Alec says it with so much conviction that Magnus nearly believes it.

"Thanks." Magnus takes a deep breath and prepares to stand up. "Well, I need a drink. You're welcome to one as well, if you wish."

"Actually," Alec shifts in his seat, "Yeah, that sounds nice."

It looks like Magnus was wrong, he hasn't scared Alec off after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, Alec's winter break starts, and so does the drama. I know I tend to write short chapters, but this one should be significantly longer


	5. Wake Me Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to stop making promises about the next chapter, because I always change my mind. Thanks for all of the comments, kudos, and bookmarks! As always, come talk to me on [tumblr](http://light-bane.tumblr.com).

Winter break sneaks up on Alec. Between private conversations with Magnus that stretch into the early hours of the morning-alcohol taking the edge off, helping him bare everything- and Professor Garroway's eye opening lectures, time just flies by. There's something hovering at the back of his mind though, his reason for being at this college in the first place, that he welcomes distractions from. He knows it's coming to the surface soon, can only put it off for so long. Especially with the absence of class, and the presence of his siblings.

Jace chooses this moment to pound on Alec's door, as if he knew Alec was thinking of him. He tugs the door open, and takes a few bags from Izzy's grip who seems to have gone overboard with her Christmas shopping. The small artificial tree in her arms makes Alec roll his eyes. He's never gotten into the Christmas spirit as much as his younger siblings. He's grateful to have them here though, only wishes Max could be here too.

Once her arms have been completely freed of shopping bags, Izzy pulls Alec into a tight hug. Jace grins, wrapping his arms around both of them and squeezing as hard as he can. It's unspoken-at least, for now-, but all three of them see the significance of this holiday they're spending together, away from home. Away from their parents.

Izzy wiggles out of both brothers' grips with significant effort, remembering that there are even more decorations still in Jace's car. Jace rolls his eyes but doesn't move to help her, knows better than to get in the way when Izzy has her sights set on something. He opts for setting up his Xbox One instead. He brought it for something to do during Alec's shifts at the library, but there's some nostalgia too. It's been a long time since he's destoryed his siblings in Halo.

"Hi, I'm Isabelle." Alec hears her from the other side of his still open door, and he knows there's only one person Izzy would be introducing herself too. His heart starts racing just from the thought.

"Magnus. Looks like you've had quite the fruitful shopping trip. I'm impressed." His voice is a smooth as ever, the sound making Alec's eyes flutter shut. When he opens them again, Jace is smirking at him.

"I'm decorating my brother's boring apartment for Christmas. Trust me, all of this is necessary," she replies as she trails into the room, unceremoniously dropping the result of her shopping trip to the ground.

"Want some help? I'd love to put my interior design knowledge to good use," Magnus ventures, seeming unsure of himself, refusing to take another step forward.

"I would love that!" She grabs Magnus' arm and pulls him past the threshold that he's been waiting behind.

Alec watches as they get to work, Izzy emptying a pile of Christmas themed objects onto the medium sized coffee table that Jace is resting his feet on. He smiles a greeting at Magnus, giving Jace the perfect opportunity for a headshot in-game.

"I didn't think it was possible, but you've gotten _even worse_ at this game, Alec," Jace teases as he elbows his brother in the side. Alec responds by dropping his controller.

"Well if you're going to be like that, I'm helping Izzy and Magnus." He rises to his feet and pretends to be positively enthralled by the mess of snowmen, santa claus figures, and Christmas lights that is growing on his table. Alec doesn't have an abundance of furniture in his apartment, which is how he ends up with a trail of varying colors of garland over each doorway. Izzy thinks she's subtle when she chooses garland for his bedroom door that closely matches Magnus' forest green tunic, but Alec notices. He shoots her a pointed glance, pretending butterflies aren't dancing in his stomach. Calling the sight an innuendo is a bit of a stretch, but Izzy is proud of her work, regardless.

Night time finally comes, and Jace is passed out on the couch. The three people who have actually done something productive-though, Jace did have an extensive work out this morning- stand back to survey their work. Alec's heart swells. Even though it's temporary, they've created something their parents can't touch. The implication of Magnus helping with this too isn't lost on Alec, though he can already tell he isn't the only one who has taken to the man. Izzy and Magnus have an easy friendship, bonding all day over clothes, make up, and everything else that seems to go over Alec's head.

Izzy heads to the spare bed that Alec was sure to set up as soon as he moved in, exhaustion from their busy day finally taking hold, leaving Magnus and Alec alone. They move to Alec's kitchen, lit only by Christmas lights, so as to not disturb his sleeping siblings. Magnus' glittery eyeliner is smudged a bit, and the low lighting reflecting off of it is breathtaking. It occurs to Alec just how natural it'd felt, having Magnus here all day. During such an important event for Alec and his siblings.

"Your siblings are lovely, Alexander," Magnus remarks, voice hushed and delightfully intimate.

"They have their moments," Alec shrugs, making Magnus chuckle and shake his head.

"Are they staying here all winter break?" Magnus asks, leaning forward slightly and resting his elbows on the windowsill in front of them.

"Yeah. It's a long story. What about you, are you doing anything special for the holidays?" Alec watches as the question makes Magnus take a deep breath, notices the subtle slump of his shoulders.

"Nope. All of my friends have family to spend it with." Magnus' voice is oddly devoid of emotion, which stirs something in Alec. He is notoriously bad at, well, people, but he's gotten pretty good at reading Magnus lately. This topic seems like a rather unpleasant one for Magnus, and Alec understands. It is for him, too. He isn't quite sure what to say, so he settles for something he's been thinking all day.

"You're welcome to join us whenever you want to." Alec looks away for the first time since they retreated to the kitchen, studying the snow that has started falling outside.

"I wouldn't want to impose," Magnus says, drawing Alec's gaze back to his face. Alec feels many things about Magnus' presence, and 'imposing' is not one of them. Not even close.

"We want you here. Izzy loves you, Jace enjoys having someone new to banter with," Alec muses, earning another smile from the other man. Alec is addicted to the sight.

"And you?" Magnus' voice drops even lower as he worries his bottom lip between his teeth, Alec suddenly finding it hard to breathe. He hasn't even been fully honest with _himself_ about the answer to that question.

"I'm... just awful with people, as you know. But I'd like to think we're friends." His heart pounds in his chest, like he's exposed too much, until Magnus' nod finally calms him. If there's a hidden message in his response, in being 'friends', Magnus doesn't seem to notice. He doesn't have much time to mull over it before Magnus gives in to the need for sleep, muttering a quiet 'goodnight' as he ventures to the bed waiting for him next door.

Glancing once more at the work they've achieved, Alec decides to follow everyone else's example and retire for the night as well. In the privacy of his own bedroom, the truths that have been lingering beneath the surface for weeks clamor for his attention. His attraction to Magnus is as fiery as ever, but it feels different now, more focused around his happiness. The way his eyes crinkle when he smiles, or how the light reflects off of his perfectly applied eyeshadow. And, on a precious few occasions, the way he clutches his stomach with laughter when Alec says something particularly funny.

He feels the words creeping into his mind every time he sees Magnus, growing stronger with every shared smile and accidental brush of their hands. But he's always ignored it. Shrugged it off. One night, after they had a drink together, Alec even tried to convince himself it was just the alcohol speaking.

But tonight, he can't deny it anymore. Unless Magnus made him a drink that was strong enough to keep him drunk for weeks, he's completely run out of realistic lies to tell himself. He felt this way once, for Jace before he was adopted into the family. He built sturdy walls around his heart once Jace became his brother, hoping to never feel that kind of shame again. Turns out those walls are as thin as the physical one currently separating them.

 

* * *

 

Despite the fact that Alec hasn't shared his revelation with anyone yet, it still feels like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. A weight he didn't notice until now.

"It's time to wake up, sleepyhead," Jace's voice calls from somewhere above him. It takes a second for Alec to realize that the sudden weight is actually Jace, lounging against his upper body like he's a piece of furniture. A glance at his phone-8 AM-, and Alec decides he's going to return Jace's Christmas present.

"No," Alec groans and snuggles deeper into his pillow, trying to get away from his brother.

"Yes. It's gym time." Jace proves his point by standing up to rummage for Alec's nylon work-out pants, and throwing them at his brother's face, earning a rather deadly glare. Jace doesn't back down, and finally Alec sighs, gathering the nylon pants from their landing spot on his bed.

Izzy is waiting for them in the living room, a lime green towl tucked under her arm, foot tapping impatiently. Alec wonders what he's done to deserve this. He's still half asleep, but Alec is almost certain he can hear his bed beckoning to him. Jace leads his siblings to the door, pausing once he reaches it to make sure he has everything, when Alec hears her voice.

"-been evicted," she says, _Camille_ , and just hearing her voice again makes Alec's blood run cold. There's something to the tone too, too sugary sweet to be genuine, that Alec immediately distrusts.

"I'm sure your lover out of state would love to have you," Magnus nearly snarls, and Alec has never heard him sound so defensive.

"I go to college _here_ , Magnus." Jace continues fumbling with the items in his pockets as she says it, seemingly oblivious to the conversation going on outside.

"Find someone else," Magnus bites out. Despite Alec's lack of experience, he can understand how difficult this situation must be for Magnus. The urge to drag Magnus away from her, physically and emotionally, is overwhelming.

"I don't know anyone else," she trills, and Alec can tell it's a lie. Jace finds his keys with a victorious 'Aha!' and pushes the door open.

"Fine," Magnus says as they step into the hall. Camille's blood red lips are pulled into a tight smile, gaze focused on a defeated Magnus with shining eyes. Her brunette hair falls slightly past her shoulders, every strand in place. She's beautiful, and Alec's heart seems to drop into his stomach.

The elevator doors close between them, Alec collapsing into the back wall once he's certain Magnus won't see. He tries to convince himself that this doesn't mean anything, and when that fails, he focuses on the friendship aspect of it. Camille broke Magnus' heart, of course Alec doesn't want her around, right?

Alec wishes he could go back to when he believed his own lies.


	6. Wasting Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super tired and this chapter just would not end, so I apologize for any mistakes! I also got a migraine half way into this chapter, which is why it took me a bit longer. Thanks for the comments, kudos, and bookmarks! Also, I'm looking for a beta of sorts that doesn't mind spoilers to the ending of this story.

Ralf was a good man. His death-caused by a drunk driver who is, naturally, still alive- shook Camille's group of friends to the core. Magnus can't believe he's never noticed it before, never put the pieces together because he didn't want to see the truth. But now, with her form sleeping peacefully on his couch, it's as clear as day. Ralf's death made her like this.

Magnus understands. It's terrifying to let people close, especially after losing someone. So she hurts them first. Drags them in, makes them feel safe, and then tears herself away so they experience the pain she feels, too. In doing so she has alienated herself from everyone, ensuring she never loses anyone ever again. Magnus is an exception, the one that tried to get away before she was truly done with him. Before she'd managed to turn him into her.

He picks up his black laptop from its spot in his chair and tucks it under his arm. He doesn't want to disturb her, doesn't want to give her another chance to get under his skin. So he slips into his bedroom and stretches out on his bed, head propped against the wall. Magnus pulls his laptop open, searching for something to do but comes up with nothing. So he stares at the bright screen instead, searching for a solution to his problem in the way the light flickers. What is he thinking, letting her move in with him?

Her face doesn't look the same anymore. Logically he knows that can't actually be true, but still, she looks like a stranger now. Her deep brown eyes don't make his heart race, her lips aren't irresistible anymore. He expects her features to elicit contempt, hurt, or hell, even longing, but instead he feels nothing. Except pity.

Magnus sighs, a strange stillness falling over his mind, thoughts that were racing a second ago coming to a screeching halt. He's getting nowhere. He hears the subtle click of a door closing on the other side of the wall, Alec, and the quietness in his mind shifts into something a bit more pleasant. Camille always sends his mind into chaos, but the shuffling of the other man just a few feet away dissipates said chaos.

Magnus wonders if their beds line up perfectly, if Alec is resting against the same stretch of thin concrete that he is. The possibility causes warmth to spread through his body. There's something so protective about Alec, probably a result of the intense way he loves. Surrounded by the Lightwood siblings, and the fierce love that they share for one another, Magnus feels invincible. He could really use that strength right now.

When Magnus opens his eyes again, the sun is filtering through his burgundy curtains. He doesn't remember closing his eyes, let alone falling asleep. A glance at his phone tells him it's 10 AM, and that he only has 3% battery left. The laptop must have slipped off of his legs in the middle of the night, the pitch black screen making him worry that its battery is dead, too. He taps the space bar a few times, just to be sure. His lock screen-a picture of a grey and white tabby kitten- breaks through the blackness.

He wants to stay in bed all day and wallow in self-pity, and what, or who, would stop him? He was so close, had almost gotten to the point where he could go a whole day without remembering how it felt to love her. The timing is unfair, but he has no one to blame but himself for saying yes. He'd just been so taken aback by how different it felt to see her, the love that used to rush through his veins replaced by basic compassion for another human being. He hates to refuse someone that needs his help. No matter how much that someone has hurt him.

His stomach growling pierces through his thoughts, and brings his day of moping in bed to an abrupt end. Magnus regretfully swings his legs over the side of his bed, feet connecting with the soft fabric of his russet carpet. Alec and Magnus' apartments are so different, Magnus preferring a splash of color and an artistic flair, while Alec seems to favor shades of white and tan. Alec is so reserved sometimes, and it really shows in his living space. It's interesting that Magnus' first thought after giving up on sulking all day is about Alec.

Magnus pads his way to the fridge, happily noting the absence of a certain someone on his couch, and ponders which feeling he would like to overanalyze first. Joy in Camille's disappearance, or how his heart flutters on the rare ocassion that he makes Alec smile? The latter could get dangerous, what with Camille's sporadic presence. If she caught on, probably already has, she would ruin any chance of Alec feeling the same way, and sink her claws into any remaining friendship until Alec won't even look at him anymore.

Magnus is so tired of letting Camille run his life, and knows full well that she doesn't have to be present to do so. He would've asked Alec out on day one, possibly even bedded him shortly after if not for the fear Camille has instilled in him. He's done letting her win. He settles on toast for breakfast, and finally feels like he's solved some of the puzzle. If she tries to take Alec away from him, she won't have a roof over her head anymore.

He slips into autopilot mode as he makes his toast, exhausted from the mental gymnastics he's been doing these last 24 hours. The quietness is missing the hopelessness it had to it last night, feeling more like relief this time. Magnus knows he still doesn't have an actual solution to his sudden roommate, but he at least has an idea of what to do until he finds one. He's going to flirt with Alexander until he forgets Camille exists.

Magnus steps back into his bedroom, a subtle spring to his step that hasn't been there for months. It's the thrill of the chase. He's finally giving in, throwing caution to the wind. He needs the perfect outfit, something that screams 'date me,' though most of Magnus' wardrobe leans towards 'fuck me' instead. Close enough.

Magnus usually picks through his clothing with a touch of care, not wanting to make a huge mess of his closet, but there's a rush of excitement running through his veins that makes his hands unsteady. Each shirt that he pulls off of the hanger but isn't perfect outfit material ends up tossed to his bed, or tumbles to the growing heap on the floor. He's going to regret that later, but that thought is instantly forgotten when his hands land on the top he's been looking for.

He tugs the plum button-up from its metal hanger and shrugs it on, leaving an obscene amount of buttons undone to leave his chest on display. His necklaces fall into place, draping even lower than the first button that he actually has fastened and drawing attention to the tawny skin underneath. He pulls on his favorite grey slacks, aiming for a splash of comfort in hopes that it'll dampen the 'fuck me' vibe. His unsteady hands make it difficult to apply thick lines of kohl around his eyes, but before he can fuss over it anymore, there's a knock on his door. That seems to happen a lot lately.

There's a small list of people Magnus expects to find in the hallway, but Jace and Izzy certainly aren't on it. Izzy is stunning as always, curly ebony hair cascading over her shoulders effortlessly. Jace's sandy hair has less product in it than usual, spilling to the side for once. They're both attractive people, Magnus would gladly spend more time admiring them if it wasn't for their captivating brother.

"Isabelle, Jace, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Magnus asks as he leans against the door, raising a thin eyebrow at Alec's siblings. They share a look that Magnus recognizes as a plea for the other to speak.

"We haven't heard from you since the scary chick moved in a couple of days ago, and Alec won't talk to us about it," Jace supplies, a subtle pout on his lips. He must not be used to Alec keeping information from him.

"He means that we're worried about you. If you need to get away, we'd love to have you over!" Izzy's smile lights up her whole face, and Magnus remembers Alec telling him the exact same thing. He never doubted Alec, but it's nice to hear the same sentiment from Izzy.

"That sounds lovely. Is now alright?" At Jace and Izzy's simultaneous nod, Magnus flashes them a grateful smile and follows them next door.

Alec's absence is obvious immediately, and Magnus' heart drops. He must be working today. That explains the impromptu visit from Alec's siblings. Jace beckons him over to the couch, and pushes a black controller into his hands once he takes a seat. Magnus has never played video games before, always preferred reading or painting his nails different colors all day, sometimes at once. Pink, purple, and blue smears across the pages of his favorite book quickly brought that habit to an end.

"Jace swears that this makes him a better shot, so we all humor him," Izzy says once she notices Magnus' apprehension, shooting a teasing smirk at her brother.

"It does!" Jace's voice is heavy with indignation, but Izzy just laughs.

"Don't worry, we're baking cookies tomorrow. Much more fun." She winks at Magnus, and Jace groans. Magnus shakes his head at their antics, but the implied invitation makes warmth gather in his chest.

Magnus is surprised by how much _fun_ it is to play this game, how amusing Jace's cry of disbelief is every time he or Izzy kills him. Hours seem to fly by, and Magnus wishes he'd brought his phone with him so he could check the time. He isn't as good as Jace and Izzy are, didn't expect to be, but they seem to enjoy his presence regardless. They're so engrossed that no one hears Alec slip in.

"Hey!" Jace cries as Alec pushes a thumb stick down, making Jace's camera pan to the ground. Izzy takes the opportunity to sneak up on him, killing him and taking the lead. "What the hell! Have you been planning this?"

"Maybe," Izzy teases, gaze meeting Alec's as they share a grin. She hands Alec her controller and says, "Here, big bro. I'm making us some dinner!"

Alec rolls his eyes and takes her seat next to Magnus, acknowledging him with a quiet 'hey.' Magnus feels something inside of himself shift into place. The peace only lasts for a minute before Camille ruins it.

"Magnus, my love!" Camille calls through the door, not even bothering to knock. He feels himself flinch at the endearment. Magnus can't stop his eyes from wandering to Alec's expressionless face.

"Door's unlocked," he responds, pouring as much disinterest as he can manage into his voice. Alec's hazel eyes finally shift to Magnus' face, studying him.

"Oh, you're no fun." Camille sounds oddly pleased, and Magnus realizes his mistake too late. She can read him too well, immediately picked up on the fact that he was trying to convince someone in the room that they're not an item. He takes a deep breath and wills his courage to last just a bit longer.

"My love?" Jace asks, chuckling. Magnus sends him a 'you're not helping' look, and misses the warning glance that Alec also shoots his brother.

"Just ignore her." It comes out a bit shorter than Magnus intended, but Jace gets the hint and drops it. As much as Magnus likes Jace, he really wishes he would leave. It's kinda hard to flirt with someone while their brother is sitting right there. There's a crash from the kitchen, and Jace finally heeds Magnus' wishes and jogs to investigate the sound. Magnus makes a mental note to thank Izzy later.

"So," Magnus turns towards Alec, folding one of his legs under himself, "you're pretty good at this. Any other hidden talents I should know about?"

Alec blinks a few times, finally catching on when Magnus gestures with his controller. He looks adorable like this, eyebrows pulled tight with confusion. He opens his mouth to respond, but pauses as his eyes finally travel down to Magnus' chest. His gaze seems to get stuck there, much to Magnus' enjoyment. He looks away, the pale skin of his cheeks developing an exquisite hue of pink. Magnus tries not to smirk, pretending the sight isn't making his heart pound away in his chest.

"Um... not that I can think of?" Alec responds once he regains the ability to speak, and Magnus loves that his voice seems to have gone up a few octaves.

"Everyone's good at something, Alexander," he nearly purrs, running a finger along the controller on his lap absentmindedly. Magnus _loves_ flirting, but it's never felt like this before. Alec isn't even flirting back, possibly doesn't even know that Magnus is flirting with him, but it just seems to flow so naturally.

"What are you good at, then?" There's a hint of playfulness to his voice, and Magnus could listen to the sound for hours and not get bored.

"Hm. Clothes, makeup, embarrassing myself in front of my attractive neighbor," Magnus teases, earning a laugh from Alec that's more of a sharp exhale.

"Yeah, I know the feeling." Alec doesn't seem to think that Magnus meant _him_ , and Magnus' heart breaks. Magnus fumbles for a response, when another bang sounds from the kitchen.

"Sounds like your siblings could use some assistance," Magnus suggests, frowning at Alec's apologetic look.

"Yeah. I'm sorry," he says, already rising from his seat.

"It's quite alright. I'll see you tomorrow?" Alec gives him a nod and a small smile in response like he has so many times before, but Magnus never grows tired of the promise that he'll get to see Alec again.

He drags himself home, regretting the conversation he knows is coming. Maybe he'll get lucky again, and she'll be asleep. When he pushes his door open, Camille is waiting for him, perched on a chair with a suggestive grin tugging on her red lips.

"So, which one is it?" He pushes past her, ignoring the question. "What did you call him, 'Alexander?'"

He pauses, knowing immediately that it was the wrong thing to do. Her saccharine laughter haunts him as he slams his bedroom door shut between them.


	7. Pacify Her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **I'm looking for a beta!** If you're interested, let me know and we'll figure out how to get in touch! 
> 
> The best way to describe this chapter is: Alec is Very Jealous™. Also I got very tired towards the end, so I apologize if the quality is noticeably worse. Follow me on [tumblr](http://light-bane.tumblr.com)

Alec busies his hands with the mess his sister caused, but his mind replays Camille's sugary voice calling Magnus 'my love' over and over. Alec has never felt this way before, at least not this intensely. Thick jealousy bubbles in his stomach, in fact there's been nothing but jealousy ever since she moved back in. He tells himself that it's none of his concern, Magnus can take care of himself, make his own choices. He truly believes that, but it doesn't stop the envy from tinging those thoughts with a sickly shade of green.

Izzy sneaks a glance at Alec through the haze of flour - she was trying to prepare the cookies a bit early - and purses her lips at the unguarded pain in his expression. He catches her studying him and slips his nonchalant mask back into place, but not before Jace notices as well. He's exhausted from the undercurrent of disappointment buzzing through his body these last few days, winding him up and making him restless despite Jace dragging him to the gym. Whatever his siblings have on their minds, Alec just doesn't have the energy to deal with it.

Instead, he distracts himself with a scenario in his head where he storms right over to Magnus', and tells him to kick Camille out. He imagines what it would be like to have the courage to show Magnus how he feels, because god knows he'll never be able to say it. How would Magnus react if Alec grabbed his shirt and pulled him into a kiss? In the month and a half since they met, he has yet to tell Magnus that he's gay, too afraid that doing so would scare him away. But now, he's pretty sure Magnus and Camille are back together. Alec isn't a homewrecker. Though, that's mostly because he is severely lacking in the confidence department.

"You should talk to him," Izzy mutters while running a damp paper towel over his marble counter, breaking the silence. Alec knows she's right, but the thought causes panic to settle in his core. How can he tell someone who's taken 'hey, I kinda have feelings for you'? Someone who may not even like men?

"There's nothing to talk about," he lies, focusing on the dwindling mess on his countertop so he doesn't have to look her in the eye. Magnus' presence in his life lately has been so calming, a breath of fresh air cutting through the unforgiving monotony that comes with college. Their whole friendship has been a testament to spontaneity, from movie invites out of the blue to sharing a few drinks until 2 AM when Alec has a shift at the library in a few hours. Alec only learned to appreciate a break from routine once Magnus came stumbling into his heart.

He wants, and that's such an unusual sensation for Alec. His parents have told him for as long as he can remember that it doesn't matter what he wants, what matters is what he needs to do. And what he needs to do is excel in school, to pursue anything that will give him an edge over Jace. If they knew that Alec has fallen for someone, that their control over him disintegrates more and more every time he sees Magnus' familiar face, they'd pull him out of law school so quickly he'd get whiplash.

Not that it really matters, because Alec doesn't want to be here anyway. He's just here for a breather while he figures out what he wants to do, and how to keep his parents off of his back. He's been trying so hard not to think about this, but the mind is funny like that. All it takes is one unpleasant thing that you're slightly upset about, and suddenly you're dwelling on something that you've been avoiding thinking about for years. Yet another downside to his upbringing. There's nothing he's better at than repressing things that he should be dealing with.

Jace's melodic ring tone pierces through Alec's thoughts. Jace swears and hurries out of the room, uttering a 'hello mother' as he leaves. Alec is grateful for Jace's ease with handling their parents. He's good at talking them down, extinguishing a lot of the heat that Alec usually faces the full brunt of if he's not around. Things will probably be hell for Jace once he goes back home.

He glances around the room, noting the tolerable lack of flour. With Jace running off to answer his phone, Alec is alone with a very suspicious and crafty Izzy. She knows exactly what Alec needs, and closes the distance between them to pull him into a tight hug. It's a bit awkward due to their height difference, but Izzy's been hugging him like this for years. She's used to it. As much as he wants to, he doesn't melt into the embrace, just wraps his arms around her and squeezes as hard as he can instead. Warmth spreads through his body, slowly chipping away at the jealousy that's been building inside of him for days.

Technically it's been building for months though, hasn't it? Ever since he first heard Camille laugh through the walls, the illusion of their happiness has been begrudging him. It's fascinating to think about how much his feelings have changed since then, shifting from contempt to intrigue to desire.

He gives Izzy a final squeeze before disentangling himself. It seems so silly, but he genuinely feels lighter now, less weighed down by the constant stream of 'you're not good enough' that runs through his head. It gives him freedom to focus on other things, such as the phone call Jace took a few minutes ago. What unreasonable thing is their mother asking for, this time?

Alec joins Jace in the living room just as his brother clicks the 'end' button, brow furrowed slightly. He raises an inquisitive eyebrow at Jace, who lets out a deep drawn out sigh.

"That bad, huh?"

Jace nods as he slips his phone back into his pocket. "Oh yeah. They're super not thrilled that we're all staying here for Christmas."

Snippets from the argument he had with his parents flood Alec's mind, the screaming and the crushing feeling that nothing will ever be enough. Jace will always be a better shot, always better at hand to hand combat, always quicker on his feet. Maryse Lightwood is the Brooklyn Chief of Police, and will settle for nothing less than her two boys following in her footsteps. She gave up on Izzy long ago, though that hasn't stopped her from flinging insults at her only daughter when she finds the opportunity. They're all better off this far away, but he can't keep Jace here. He's their mother's shining pupil, her protege, and she doesn't let anyone forget it.

"Thank you." Alec's voice is a bit breathless. He really isn't ready to see his parents again, can already feel the weight of their disappointed stares. Alec has a fleeting thought that perhaps his crippling insecurity has sunk its teeth into his relationship with Magnus as well, hence the jealousy. He's struck by the sudden hankering to get away, to turn his back on every aspect of his life currently. Ironically that very same inclination is what led him here in the first place, allowing Magnus to slip under his skin.

Jace flashes him a grin, one side of his mouth tugging higher than the other. It's a rare sight from their childhood, Alec didn't realize he missed it until now. "Oh don't thank me yet, spring break will be here before you know it and I don't think I'll be able to hold them off that long."

Alec hopes these feelings fade by then, and that unwavering confidence will take their place. But they won't.

 

* * *

 

Alec remembers when his sense of duty would drag him out of bed hours before his siblings. He has no idea when that ended, but he certainly doesn't miss waking up at the crack of dawn while Izzy and Jace get to snooze away. That being said, he doesn't particularly enjoy their new found habit of waking him up, even if it is 11:30 AM. At least Jace isn't sitting on him this time.

Izzy stirs the cookie mix with far more force than necessary, scraping the wooden spoon against the crystal bowl in her grasp. Alec finds many sounds annoying, such as most alarm tones, buzzers, sirens, and people talking, but they all pale in comparison to the sound Izzy produces with each flick of her wrist.

"Sorry to interrupt your undoubtedly fun dreams about Magnus, but I did invite him over today. I'm sure you don't want to look like you spent all day yesterday moping." She stills her wrist, but her russet eyes still have a glint of mischief to them.

"Wasn't moping," he grumbles into his pillow, not caring if it comes out too muffled for her to understand.

"Of course not. You have fifteen minutes." And with that she disappears from the room, taking the awful screeching sound with her. Alec lazes in bed for a few minutes, savoring the lingering comfort for a bit longer. How much effort should he put into his appearance, anyway? He hasn't heard much since she moved back in, but that might not mean anything. He also hasn't heard any signs of disagreements, so they must be getting along somewhat. While he doesn't know for sure, it's just so easy to assume that they're back together.

Alec decides to wear his newest black button-up shirt, regardless. Anything to make Magnus view him in a relatively sexy light, even if just for a few minutes. Izzy notices his outfit, complete with the black pants with an absurd amount of zippers, and smirks at him. If Alec sneaks into his bathroom to fuss with his hair a bit once Izzy and Jace step out, no one needs to know.

Minutes pass, and the absence of his siblings gives Alec a pang of worry. He heads to the hallway, watching Camille's expression change as he shows up behind Izzy and Jace.

"Oh, there he is," Camille trills, her lips stretching into a wicked grin. Her cold eyes don't leave Alec's face. Having the undivided attention of someone that has caused so much harm sets him on edge, his muscles tensing on their own accord. It feels like a threat.

"Camille." Magnus' voice sounds strained, an odd mix of a warning and a plea. Alec resists the urge to shift his gaze to Magnus. There's something cathartic about staring Camille down, about acting on the envy he's been feeling for so long. Every thought of wanting her to leave, the pure hatred that burned through him when Magnus opened up about their relationship; he pours all of it into the narrowing of his eyes.

"He's cute-" She tilts her head to the side, dark eyes traveling the length of Alec's body, sending an unpleasant shiver down his spine- "why don't we share him?"

Something inside of Alec snaps; not from the thought of Camille touching him, but of her touching _Magnus_. His muscles are tight with the desire to march up to Magnus and drag him as far away from her as possible.

"Camille, _drop it_ ," Magnus snaps from her side, Camille making a surprised sound as he pushes past her. With Magnus with them in the hallway, Alec's rage finally begins to dull.

"Or what, you'll kick me out?" she sneers, and Alec hates how confident Camille is that the answer to that question is 'no'.

"Exactly." Magnus turns to Izzy with his usual flair that Alec adores, like the thought of no longer having Camille around has given him a burst of energy. Alec has been so fixed on Camille, he hasn't noticed how tense his siblings are in front of him, both of them watching Camille with a hardness behind their eyes that Alec has never seen before. "I believe you mentioned cookies, my dear?"

"Yeah, of course," Izzy says, but her voice sounds distant, like she's lost in thought.

The short walk back to his apartment feels anticlimactic, every fiber of his being urging him to turn back around and make Camille leave, to push her buttons until she snaps. Izzy and Jace take turns shooting him worried glances, which just irritates him more. Alec isn't the one that needs their concern, Magnus is.

But as they head into the kitchen, Izzy handing everyone bowls and spoons to stir their cookie mixes with, Alec notices the easy way Magnus moves - how he seems light and content despite Camille's attempts to manipulate him - and realizes that Magnus doesn't need protecting.

The four of them bake for hours, filling Alec's apartment with the sweet aroma of sugar and chocolate. Alec's favorite part of all of this is watching Magnus interact with his siblings, how he'll place a gentle hand on Izzy's shoulder so they don't run into each other, how Izzy's face lights up when Magnus says ' _con permiso_ ' before sliding by her. He also loves how Magnus doesn't show Jace the same generosity, both men purposefully bumping into each other throughout the day, Jace erupting into laughter each time while Magnus grins at him.

Alec has been so busy watching them that he's barely even said a single word to Magnus. He glances outside, notices the utter darkness outside, and gets an idea.

"Hey, Magnus, do you wanna, um..." Alec trails off, Magnus' eyes following as he points to the window. He stares at the window for a few seconds in confusion, before recognition sets in and he gives Alec a fond smile.

"Go for a walk? I would love to." Magnus seems to stand up straighter, walking a beat faster than Alec as they head into the ratty elevator and hit the ground floor button. It's almost like he's excited, like he's leading Alec outside because he just can't wait to go for a walk.

They stride down the sidewalk in silence, both needing to decompress after the day they've had. Alec isn't surprised when Magnus is the first one to speak.

"I'm sure it sounds silly, but I love going for walks," Magnus explains, a tinge of wistfulness to his voice.

"I'm not normally a fan of the outdoors. I just, need to get away from my siblings sometimes. I love them of course, but still," Alec adds, watching as the chilly air turns his breath to fog.

"Oh, I know you do. Is your whole family this charming, or is it just you three?" Magnus' voice sounds a bit different, and it isn't until his shivering becomes more intense that Alec realizes he's cold.

"I don't really think I fit in the 'charming' category." It's a deflection, Alec knows that, but he really doesn't want to think about his strict parents while he struggles with whether or not he should give Magnus his jacket. Is it too forward? Romantic? He's seen it often in the handful of TV shows and movies his siblings have made him watch, and it's always a romantic gesture, but he can't just let Magnus stay cold, can he?

"Of course you do!" When Magnus starts to rub his arms for warmth, Alec sighs and shrugs out of his leather jacket. He's terrified of how Magnus will react, if he'll see right through Alec and know every thought he's had about Magnus since they met. But as he drapes his jacket over Magnus' shoulders, the shock on his face only lasts a few seconds before he's slipping his arms in. "See? Such a gentleman!"

Alec struggles to tear his eyes away from the sight, of Magnus wearing his jacket. It's a bit too big for him, the sleeves bunching up at his wrists, but he looks stunning. It satisfies something possessive inside of him, something he knows he has no right to feel. So he stomps it down, ignoring the pleasant hum in his body that accompanies him on the rest of their walk.

 

* * *

 

  
"So, we're definitely starting a bet about this, right?" Jace teases, sharing a knowing look with Izzy.

"I think this is too serious for a bet," Izzy replies, absentmindedly running a hand through her inky black hair.

"Well, what are we gonna do? Our brother finally has a crush on someone, we have to celebrate!" Izzy sighs at this, worrying her lip between her teeth.

"I have an idea."

 


	8. Eye of The Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by [Rina](http://poe-pilots-the-storm.tumblr.com/). This will be the last chapter that takes place during their winter break, as I'm ready to move on. Thank you for the comments/kudos, I hope you all like this chapter! Talk to me on [tumblr](http://light-bane.tumblr.com/)!

There is nothing quite like walking with Alec. The crisp winter air stings his pale skin, giving it an enticing rosy tinge. His jacket feels _right_ on Magnus' shoulders, Alec's scent engulfing him, filling him with a lovely warmth that makes him wonder if he'll ever be cold again. As long as Camille is around, though, he knows there's a persistent chill waiting, watching for him to slip up.

And he has. It's only been a bit over a month since they broke up, not nearly enough time to forget what it's like to have her in his head, twisting and pulling until she gets the response that she's looking for. And now it's back full force, incapacitating him no matter how hard he fights it. He thought knowing that he was being manipulated would absorb the blow, prevent her from taking hold. And that does seem true to a lesser extent, but she still knows exactly what to do or say to control his every move. 

_ If she caught on, probably already has, she would ruin any chance of Alec feeling the same way and sink her claws into any remaining friendship until Alec won't even look at him anymore. _

Magnus remembers thinking it, the words gaining in intensity as they echo in his mind. That's what she was trying to do earlier, get a rise out of Magnus in Alec's defense and then out him in the worst possible way. He knows he needs to kick her out, should've done so earlier, but he has a good idea of how that confrontation would've ended. 

" _Oh, so defensive! Don't tell me you've fallen in love with him, Magnus_." He can hear the sly tone of her voice, can feel Alec's disapproving gaze. She's pushing him, trying to goad him into flaunting his feelings for Alec in a way that he can't deny. 

"Magnus?" The sound of Alec's voice, a bit higher pitched than normal with worry, almost makes him jump. Alec has his head bowed and tilted to the side slightly, effectively drawing Magnus' attention to his face. His lips are shiny, he must've licked them recently and how has Magnus not noticed until now how full Alexander's lips are- Magnus wants to laugh at himself. He's nearly in crisis mode - crafty ex successfully sinking her claws into him again - and here he is ogling the man that he's fallen for, the man said ex has set her sights on.

"Sorry." He gives Alec an apologetic smile, waving his hand in a dismissive gesture. Alec studies him for a few moments longer, before flicking his gaze down to his jacket on Magnus' body, and Magnus wonders what he thinks of the sight. Is he weirded out by the idea of another man wearing his clothes? Magnus doubts that's the case, has caught Alec's wandering eyes too many times to think it's a coincidence. But it seems too good to be true. Besides, physical attraction doesn't mean he feels the same way Magnus does, and he really can't imagine risking his heart like that so soon after Camille. 

"Are you still cold?" Magnus feels something flutter in his stomach at the concern that still hasn't left Alec's voice. Every time Magnus thinks he's found the limit to Alec's caring streak, Alec finds a way to surprise him with the sheer depth of it. Magnus is beginning to think it's infinite. As gloomy as his thoughts have gotten these last few days, no matter how much he doubts someone as amazing as Alec could ever love him, Alec's kindness always chips away at the darkness.

"If I say yes, will you give me your shirt too?" Magnus loves the way Alec blinks in confusion whenever he says something vaguely flirtatious. Sure, Alec's kindness is like a candle in the dark when he's down, but his sexiness rivals the sun. Judging from his shyness, he thinks it's fairly safe to assume this man is untouched, and that's the biggest tragedy Magnus has ever heard. 

But then Magnus glances at Alec, notices the way his eyes have ventured up and to the side, his mouth open as he genuinely considers it, and Magnus chuckles. "I was joking, Alexander. We can't have you walking around shirtless, people will stare."

"Yeah, because they'll be wondering what the hell is going on with that weirdo that's walking around shirtless in the dead of winter." Alec's deadpan expression pulls a surprised laugh from Magnus, and _god_ this man...

This man is worth the struggle of keeping Camille at bay.

* * *

 

Magnus hears Alec's footsteps the next morning right at 6 AM, and he lets out a breath of relief. He can do this. Alec just needs to be as far away as possible, in case Camille reacts to this the way Magnus expects her to. She'll fight, probably barge right over and knock on Alec's door, tell him straight to his face that Magnus has feelings for him. And then she'll board the elevator, her suitcase full of clothes in hand as she watches their relationship crumble with a satisfied smirk. Even though he's the one kicking her out, she'll be the one who's victorious. 

He waits for what feels like hours, perched on his couch with her suitcase resting by his feet. His arms are draped over the back of the plush burgundy cushions when she finally pushes the unlocked door open. There's a slight flush warming her bronze skin, something Magnus has seen so many times before - remembers all of the times he caused it himself -, but her earthy brown eyes widen once she notices his presence. 

"You're kicking me out." It's more of an observation than a question, and Magnus nods towards the bag at his feet in response. Really, he has no idea how the damn thing is able to hold all of the clothes she brought with her. "All because of the stuttering virgin next door? You've really outdone yourself this time, Magnus."

There's a small voice in the back of his head chanting that she's right, that Alec will never love him the way he wants him to. But he ignores it, choosing instead to gather her things into his grip and rise from the sofa. Camille's expression is hard, but there's an undertone of surprise hidden behind the steel. Despite the twisting and prodding of her metaphorical claws, there's that small light guiding him through the fog, holding her off the best that it can. 

"Leave." Magnus shoves the black case full of Camille's clothing into her chest, not hard enough to make her stumble but just enough to show her that he means it. She wraps a manicured hand around the handle and drops the suitcase to the floor, but doesn't budge. 

"Why'd you let me crash here in the first place?" 

"We all make mistakes." He revels in the way she glowers at him when he says it, reaching for the door and gesturing excessively for her to leave. He's done playing her games, especially now that there's something larger at stake. Alec. 

"You know I have nowhere else to go." 

Magnus remembers the flush to her skin that was there only a few minutes ago, how it told him a completely different story. "Oh, really? So you were just taking a walk, alone, in the middle of the night when it's below freezing outside?"

Camille smirks, her vibrant red lipstick only slightly smudged despite her rendezvous with a new lover. Magnus realizes just how foolish he's been. No matter how many people Camille alienates, there will always be more poor souls for her to manipulate. She's never needed his help. 

Camille opens her mouth to respond, but Magnus raises two fingers to shush her. "Just go. I'm done with you."

At that, she finally turns to leave, but stops to face him again as the elevator doors open. "You know, you won't get to keep him. The pretty ones always leave."

It isn't until the elevator closes and he collapses against his wooden door that he realizes he still has Alec's jacket on. 

* * *

 

With Camille gone, it feels like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. A weight that has been there for months, much longer than her impromptu existence in his apartment. He's finally gotten the final word, taken control and forced her out of his life. 

He's struck by a sudden intense need to redecorate, like changing his surroundings will further erase Camille's presence. This desire urges him out of bed after his short nap, but it doesn't stop him from taking a second to admire Alec's leather jacket that's folded on top of his dresser. 

Magnus wanders into his living room, surveying his surroundings and pushing his lounge chairs around experimentally. He's in the process of turning his couch diagonal when he hears a gentle rap on his door.

"Ah, Isabelle," he says, flashing the woman a welcoming smile. Izzy has her sleek black hair pulled into a flawless ponytail, her rose-tinted lips matching her dress. Magnus is eternally frustrated with the Lightwoods for being so gorgeous. If Alec had the fashion sense that Izzy does, Magnus would immediately pass out every time he sees him. "Come in, my dear. You've caught me redecorating."

Izzy steps inside, her high heels clicking against the hardwood floor. Magnus watches as she takes in her surroundings, realizing that this is the first time she's seen his apartment. "So this is what the apartment of an interior design major looks like. It's gorgeous!"

Magnus chuckles but shrugs off the mention of college. He really doesn't want to think about school right now. Though, that is a topic he's been avoiding for a while. He's not sure how much longer that can last. "Thank you, darling. What's on that lovely mind of yours?"

"Camille," she says, and Magnus straightens in surprise. "I was thinking, she could probably move in with me. To get her away from you. And my brother."

"That's sweet of you but unnecessary. She's already gone." Something in Magnus' voice makes Izzy study his face, and Magnus curses his tendency to wear his heart on his sleeve.

"Are you alright?" Izzy closes the distance between them to put a comforting hand on his shoulder, and Magnus can't help but lean into the contact. It's a stark contrast to Camille's coldness, the threats she threw at him mere hours ago. 

"Yeah, I'm just... drained." Izzy gives his shoulder a little squeeze at this and flashes him a comforting smile. 

"She reminds me a lot of our mother. Cold and manipulative. Mom knows exactly what to say to cut deep," she explains, and something inside of Magnus whirs to life. He's been curious for so long about their parents, but knows from his own experience that it isn't always polite to ask outright. Despite the curiosity, there's a seed of guilt taking root in his stomach for letting Camille anywhere near these people, for giving her the opportunity to sink her teeth into them too. They've dealt with it enough.

"I should've kicked her out sooner." He expects Izzy to agree, to chastise him for letting Camille back into his head. But instead, she uses the grip on his shoulder to pull Magnus into a hug. The surprise makes him freeze before finally wrapping his arms around her back and of course she notices, squeezing him tighter. 

"She's gone now, that's all that matters. She was seconds away from having to answer to me, though. I  don't appreciate the way she was looking at him," she comments, voice fierce as she pulls away.  

"And she didn't appreciate the way _I_ look at him, I think." Magnus watches as Izzy's stance changes, her hands clapping together over her chest, warm brown eyes filling with joy. 

"I knew it!"

"Is that why you wanted to help get Camille out of the picture?" Magnus teases, thoroughly amused as her jubilant expression fades into a badly executed poker face. She quickly turns to leave, black hair whipping over her shoulder.

"I just realized that I have to go, it was nice talking to you, Magnus!" She's closing the door to Alec's apartment before she even gets the whole sentence out. He hears it click shut, and then silence. Until Jace's loud cry of victory shakes the thin wall between them.

Magnus grins. Surely it's a good thing to have Alec's siblings on his side, right?

* * *

 

Christmas finally comes, and Magnus can't help but think about how odd this winter break has been. Between Camille's short-lived presence and the fact that he actually has people to spend the holiday with, it feels almost surreal when he steps into Alec's appropriately decorated apartment. It seems like so much time has passed since he helped them fill the area with various Christmas items, but it's only been less than a week. He eyes his favorite part of the ensemble - a disproportionately large golden star on top of their foot tall imitation Christmas tree - and smiles.

"Merry Christmas!" He turns to see the Lightwoods appearing from the kitchen, each wearing their usual wardrobe - lots of black - aside from Izzy, who has an over sized green sweater on with snowflakes, reindeer, and what he thinks is Santa sewn into the thick fabric. She has another abomination dangling in her grip and thrusts it in his direction.

"These two are being the complete opposite of fun today and refuse to wear theirs." Izzy pouts at her brothers, and while he'd never wear anything like this in any other circumstance, it doesn't even cross his mind to decline. He just pulls it over his royal blue cardigan, chuckling softly when he looks down. The sweater is much bigger than the shirt underneath, but he'll admit, it's comfy. 

"This sweater doesn't match my pants, my dear," he teases as he tugs on the edge of the sweater, rolling the fabric between his fingers in amusement. When he glances up, there's a curious smile on Alec's face that's unlike any of the others he's seen. 

"That's because there are no pants anywhere that match that sweater," Alec pipes up from behind his siblings. It dawns on Magnus that Alec is usually in the background when the three of them are together like this, as if he's hoping to be overlooked. It's hard to miss him, though, when he's towering over his significantly shorter siblings.

"Says the man that only owns one hole-less shirt," Izzy winks at Mangus before leading the group into the kitchen where she has the cookies from the other night displayed on off-white plastic plates along the marble counter.  Magnus plucks a chocolate chip one from the pile and takes a bite, making an appreciative sound when the sugary flavor hits his tongue. He notices the way Alec's eyes dart away from him then, an embarrassed smile crossing his lips as he studies the floor. Magnus tries to contain his smirk, his next bite is even more delicate, the appreciative sound even longer and throatier. This time Alec’s ears turn pink at the tips. Magnus focuses on removing the sugar coating his lips with darting cat-like licks of his tongue. Alec stares as if he’s unable to look away. He sounds like he’s about to choke. Well, it’s confirmed. Alec is definitely untouched. Magnus behaves himself after that, but he wonders what other sounds he could pull from Alec. His eyes drop to the space where Alec's neck meets his collar bone, imagines brushing his lips against the undoubtedly sensitive flesh. Would he gasp? Or would he bare even more of his neck for Magnus to explore? 

 

And, this train of thought has officially become inappropriate for Christmas dinner, which has completely slipped his mind.

 

Their dinner is very traditional; a small ham, biscuits, and various vegetables, but it's good regardless. He's never really cared much for Christmas, let alone tradition, but he can feel the attitude in the air shift to something weightless, indestructible. He remembers his conversation with Izzy about their mother, and it clicks into place: This is their first Christmas away from their controlling parents. This isn't about the holiday, it's about them celebrating the fact that they have gotten away from their parent's influence. And they've welcomed him in, given him a -frankly ugly- sweater, and created a space for him in this symbolic occasion. His heart swells in his chest, the love that he feels for these three threatening to spill over.

Right now, sitting in Alec's cheap wooden chair, it feels like nothing could ever take this away from him. 


	9. Tides

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goddamn, this chapter! So, it's about 99% plot and was incredibly uninteresting to write, and I'm sorry it's so late! I'm just sorry about this chapter in general. Huge thanks to [Rina](http://poe-pilots-the-storm.tumblr.com/) for helping me expand on things and dealing with my whining about how much of a pain this chapter was.

Magnus loves Izzy and Jace, he really does, but it's hard to confess his undying love for their brother when they're around. Though he must admit, it's only been a day since winter break ended and he already misses the Lightwoods. Alec included, but that hardly needs mentioning. 

 

The weirdest thing about going to class again is the realization that it's almost over. For Magnus, anyway. All his interior design professor, Jocelyn Fray had to say was "model of a room," and Magnus' mind was reeling with ideas (though, the model in her hand that has two walls and a floor made of cardboard, beautiful blue wallpaper, and intricate 3D 'wooden' furniture certainly helps). Ideas that he doesn't have the proper materials for.

 

He scrolls through the contacts in his phone, pausing at Raphael. Is a trip to the nearest arts and crafts store worth the tales of whatever gossip him and Ragnor have been engaging in lately? Magnus already feels dread settling in his stomach, but his unfortunate lack of a car leaves him no other choice. He takes a deep breath, and taps the call button.

 

"Ah, Magnus, so you _are_ still alive," Raphael's smooth voice filters through the phone, and Magnus has to fight off the urge to roll his eyes. It isn't an easy feat. 

 

"Hello, dear friend! I was just thinking that it's probably been an absurdly long time since you've been to an art store. It's about time we go to one, no?" Magnus can hear Raphael sigh at his chipper tone from the other end of the receiver. 

 

" _Dios_ , why do you punish me like this? Fine, but I'm bringing Simon." 

 

"But I was hoping we could get some one on one time. You know, to catch up." All he hears is the click of Raphael hanging up on him, which he takes as his cue to get ready. 

 

When Raphael pulls up in his expensive grey Porsche that Magnus teases him relentlessly for, Magnus braces himself for the onslaught of movie trivia that's bound to come and slips into the backseat. Simon gives him enough time to think he might actually be in the clear, before asking, "have you ever seen Dracula?"

 

So Magnus tries to tune him out, leveling Raphael with a glare through the rearview mirror as Simon gushes about how cool vampires used to be. Raphael smirks, something rare that he reserves for moments when he's made Magnus suffer. Simon is endearing in his own way, but Magnus has a million ideas running through his head that are begging for his attention.

 

As the arts shop comes into view, a pang of excitement flows through Magnus. He's always loved art, and with Alec's impeccable distracting powers lately, he's nearly forgotten how it feels to be in his creative element. In a few months time, he'll hopefully be living his dream. His dream of decorating someone _else's_ house for a change. It's an exhilarating thought.  

 

They head inside, followed by the unique sound of their shoes colliding with the hard cement floor.  It's a sound that Magnus associates with _creating_ , and it's been far too long since he's heard it. He takes a moment to appreciate his surroundings, breathing it in. Aisles of paint brushes, coloring pencils, miscellaneous wood... The sheer volume of it is overwhelming to some, but it always adds color to Magnus' dreary day. 

 

The only thing that could make it better is Alexander's smile. Magnus can't believe this, he just spent six weeks with the man and yet the thought of Alec turns him into a giddy mess faster than the blink of an eye. He's never been this careful with someone before, always rushing into messy romances headfirst and wondering why it hurts. With Alec, Magnus finds that he wants to take his time, perfectly content to leave their relationship at poorly concealed affectionate gazes and cheesy flirting. Any more than that, and Magnus feels like he'll scare Alec away. 

 

A pretty redhead with snowy pale skin catches Simon's attention, and he's running off to greet her before Magnus and Raphael can process it. She's with a tall man, a contrast of toughness and kindness merging in his features. The man's light blue button-up is rolled up at the sleeves, showing off the rich sepia skin of his forearms. Magnus can see through the thin fabric that this man is muscular, but his unwavering - and unwarranted, at least for now - devotion to Alec prevents him from taking a closer look.

 

"Luke," Simon says, his voice heavy with fondness.  It's clear to Magnus as the two share a fistbump that Simon has known Luke for a long time. 

 

"Hey Simon! Did Clary trick you into this, too?" Clary beams at Luke, hugging his arm. The image reminds him of the photo Professor Fray has on her desk, and it suddenly clicks in Magnus' mind that this is her husband. And her exceedingly artistic daughter. Raphael grabs him by the wrist and leads him further into the store, which is a welcome development. They seem like very nice people, but Magnus would like to get everything he needs before the store closes. Simon is fantastic at talking even to strangers, Magnus doesn't want to witness how well the boy can talk when he's known the person for ages.

 

Raphael follows leisurely behind Magnus as he zigzags in and out of aisles, throwing random objects into the basket Raphael has in his grip. One of those objects is a delightfully tiny sleeping cat made of plastic. Magnus is sure he doesn't need the cat for his model, but he's determined to use it anyway. Cats make everything better. He fills the basket in no time, unbothered by Raphael's silence. 

 

After dragging a reluctant Simon away from Clary and Luke, they're finally ready to head back to Magnus' place. He's in his living room before he realizes it, his mind completely focused on ideas for his new project. He's glueing the pieces of cardboard together to form a wall, hands steady despite the thrum of excitement surging through his body, when his ring tone sounds from inside his pocket. He glances at his phone, noting the unknown number. 

 

"Hello?" Magnus caps the glue and drops it to the table, biting back his annoyance at being interrupted. It's been a long time since school has made him feel this way.

 

"Hey Magnus, it's Raj. Raphael gave me your number, I hope that's alright." Raj's voice is a bit unsteady, and completely unexpected. Raj graduated shortly after Magnus arrived, and left before they'd gotten all that close. Still, he remembers how intelligent the man is, and how his stomach would twist with envy whenever he saw Raj's artwork. 

 

"Wow, it's been a while. How are things?" Magnus asks, mentally searching for a reason Raj could be calling him but coming up with nothing. 

 

"My company is looking for a new designer, with no luck. I was complaining to Raphael about it, and he told me to call you," Raj laughs. Magnus wonders how much of Raphael's suggestion was genuine, and how much of it was to get Raj to stop complaining. Raphael is really bad with people sometimes. 

 

"I'm not sure how much help I'll be. I've still got a month until I graduate," Magnus explains, ruffling through his new supplies absentmindedly. 

 

"That's fine. We could do a Skype interview in a few weeks?" The hope in Raj's voice tugs at something inside of Magnus, and he's saying yes before really putting much thought into it. There's no harm in an interview, right?

 

Regardless, this talk of finding a job after graduation has Magnus chewing on his bottom lip. Sure, it's a great offer if Raj is really serious, but he's reluctant to make any promises without searching around. He pads to his bedroom, wakes up his laptop and searches for interior design businesses nearby. The first business that pops up is  _Bayside Interior_ , and Magnus lets out an exasperated sigh. Of course Raj's business is the closest one.

 

* * *

 

 

The hardest thing about finishing his project is fighting with other students over the college's 3D printer. It's only been three days, but he's settled for a wallpaper with swirls of lush maroon and beige. The floor is a picture of an oak hardwood floor he found online, and he shoots his unfortunately carpeted floor a dramatic pout. His next place is definitely going to have at  _least_ one hardwood floor, they just look so much better. He's decided his project is going to be a living room, much more entertaining to design. The tiny grey 3D couch has the plastic cat on it. Magnus enjoys how disproportionately large the cat is compared to the couch, it reminds him of the star that was on Alec's Christmas tree.

 

While Magnus wouldn't say he's humble about certain things, that's especially true for his eye for interior design. It's a pleasant feeling to flex his creativity this way, sure, but he's also good at it, and has no problem admitting it. 

 

"Wow, you finished that in _three days_?" Raj's incredulous voice sounds from Magnus' laptop. He flashes Raj a self-satisfied grin, soaking up the subtle praise. 

 

"Why thank you. I _am_ quite talented," Magnus teases, pulling a chuckle from his (hopefully) soon-to-be boss. Raj seems to have a pleasant sense of humor, and Magnus is thrilled. Raj always seemed engrossed in class work before graduating, as far as Magnus can remember. Since Raj owns this company now, Magnus figures it was worth it.

 

"You are. The cat sleeping on the couch is a really nice touch! We'd be honored to have you once you graduate, Magnus. There's just one more thing I need to confirm." Magnus glances up from his model, studying Raj's uncertain expression. It's the only hint that Raj is new to this position, which is oddly endearing. Magnus can already tell that they're going to get along. "We're in Queens, which is about 3 and a half hours away from where you are if I remember correctly. Are you going to rough it out, or maybe find somewhere to live that's closer?"

 

Magnus chews on his lip. That's a pretty good question. He vaguely remembers Ragnor complaining about a lengthy drive to  Magnus' apartment, but can't remember where he's actually living right now. He lifts his phone from its spot next to his laptop, and sends Ragnor a quick text. "I think I have a friend nearby. I texted him, he's a stickler for keeping in touch so I'm sure he won't take long to respond." 

 

Before he even gets the whole sentence out, Ragnor's name and the word 'Brooklyn' lights up his screen. "Ah, told you. Yeah, he lives in Brooklyn."

 

"Excellent! You're sure he'll be alright with this?" Raj asks, twirling a black metallic pen between his fingers. The uncertainty has faded, but he stills seems reluctant to get his hopes up. Magnus wonders how close Raj came to not contacting him at all, due to the distance. 

 

"He already has my cat, and I'm a much more pleasant roommate than Chairman Meow is, from what I hear." Raj laughs at this, and Magnus feels a small smile tugging on his lips. 

 

"Sounds like his name suits him, then. I'll email you our contract, look it over and let me know if you have any questions. If not, then we'll talk once you graduate?" Raj asks, and Magnus feels a fresh burst of excitement flood his body. It seems unreal, how many people can say they've received a job offer in their field before even graduating? Magnus is definitely going to hug Raphael for sending Raj his way, even with the risk of bodily harm.

 

Magnus sends Ragnor a text, a playful, 'good news! I'm moving in with you in a month!' Ragnor's response makes Magnus suck in his breath, feeling almost like he's been doused in cold water.

 

'What about this Alec I've heard next to nothing about?'

 

Magnus swallows thickly, opening his web browser and typing 'interior design business,' hoping he maybe read the results wrong the first time. But all he finds is a list of businesses, only growing in distance the further he scrolls, with  _Bayside Interior_ at the top.

 

* * *

 

 

He decides to avoid Alec. He's wanted this for so long, ever since he got in trouble for trying to color the walls of his foster home red with a crayon when he was eight. But he knows all Alec would have to do is look at him just right, bat those long eyelashes at him, and Magnus would stay. The logical side of his brain, the one that tends to short circuit when Alec is around, screams at him to stay away. That he'll never have an opportunity like this again.

 

The rest of him wants to crawl into bed and sulk. He finally thought, or hoped at least, that Camille was their only obstacle. But he sees now, the issue was never truly her. Because even if Raj had never contacted him, he'd be graduating soon regardless. And the money from his parents life insurance is running out, so he couldn't stay here for much longer anyway. 

 

Magnus slinks into his kitchen, pouring himself a glass of whiskey. Should he tell Alec that he's leaving? Will he care? Magnus isn't really sure which answer he'd prefer. He wants Alec to miss him as much as he'll miss Alec, of course. But at the same time, he really doesn't want Alec to hurt, especially not because of him.

 

He hears footsteps in the hallway, knows immediately that it's Alec when he comes to a stop in front of Magnus' door. The universe has been so cruel to Magnus lately, that it couldn't possibly be anyone else. Magnus tugs his door open before both of them can lose their nerve, bringing him face to face with the man that the world keeps trying to take from him. Alec's eyes are wide, his throat noticeably moving as he tries to swallow.

 

"Magnus! I, uh... Well, I haven't heard from you in a while so I..." Alec trails off, running a shaky hand through his hair. 

 

Magnus takes a deep breath, suddenly finding it difficult to breathe. There's his answer, Alec _does_ care - and Magnus never should've doubted it - but he's already made up his mind. For his own good, and for Alec's. Magnus knows it's sudden, but if he doesn't say it now he never will.

 

"I'm moving."


	10. Feel You Leaving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, uh. I just want to remind everyone that this story WILL have a happy ending, just hang in there! Thanks to [Rina](http://poe-pilots-the-storm.tumblr.com) for betaing! Feel free to yell at me on [tumblr](http://light-bane.tumblr.com) for this chapter!

Alec is almost certain he heard Magnus wrong. He _had_ to. Magnus was moving? Magnus has always felt so permanent, his stance in Alec's life unshakable even by someone as crafty as Camille. Magnus seems to notice the array of emotions flitting across his face, motioning for Alec to come inside. It feels right, normal, to step into Magnus' space that he's been in so many times before. The atmosphere has an air of immortality to it, and Alec latches on to that feeling, refusing to believe that this apartment could be anything other than _Magnus'_. 

 

All of the worries that led him to Magnus' door tonight screech to a grinding halt, leaving room for just one thought. Tell him. But then Magnus pushes a glass of amber liquid into his hand, his features tired, like he's been dreading this conversation. Alec lifts the glass to his lips, pulling the liquid into his mouth and grimacing as it burns the whole way down. Whiskey. The heat cuts right through the fog of disbelief, a few questions finally bubbling to the surface.

 

"Why?" Such a simple question, the whiskey hasn't brought his brain fully online yet. Still, it's important. Magnus purses his lips and drops onto his familiar couch, seemingly deciding that this conversation is better had while sitting. 

 

"Do you want the short or long version?" Magnus asks, his unsteady voice the only hint that his calmness is a mask. It reminds Alec of the beginning of their friendship, how Magnus would always hide his pain behind a laugh and a sarcastic remark. Alec is no stranger to facades, has spent far too much of his life hiding in the closet, his stoic expression an attempt to chase anyone off who'd dare to look too close. Even though he's stopped hiding, he knows an act when he sees one. But he also knows that masks are meant to shatter. 

 

Alec slips into place beside Magnus, careful to leave enough space between them. Still, the proximity brings memories of Alec's recent dreams to the surface, the sensation of Magnus flush against his body. These relatively new dreamworld fantasies have kept Alec warm over the last few weeks, almost too warm, but now it feels like all of the heat has been sucked out of the room. He takes another sip of whiskey, not surprised to find that the second is just as bad as the first. 

 

"I could get you something else-" Magnus starts when Alec grimaces at the taste but is interrupted by a tense, " _Magnus_."

 

He doesn't know why he's getting short with Magnus, it certainly won't solve anything. It won't make him stay. Perhaps it eases the pain a little to blame Magnus, take it out on him for inadvertently hurting Alec. There's a part of him that feels like he's being betrayed. He let Magnus in, carved a space into his family just for him. And now he's leaving. Magnus fiddles with the ornate rings on his fingers, taking a deep breath to balance himself. 

 

"I got a job offer in my field." There's an odd combination of emotions in Magnus' voice; a tinge of excitement mixed with heavy regret. Alec nods, putting the puzzle pieces together on his own. This job offer must be far away, too far to drive on a daily basis. He shifts in his seat, a jolt of pride cutting through the helplessness. 

 

"So you have a job lined up already? That's incredible!" Alec flashes Magnus a smile that is only slightly forced, remembering how warm Magnus' decorative touch had made his apartment. The broken look Magnus gives him in return has him quietly continuing, "It's not that I want you to leave. I'm just happy for you. You're talented, you deserve this opportunity."

 

 

Magnus holds his gaze for a few beats, then downs his glass of whiskey in one go. Magnus drops his gaze to the glass nestled in Alec's fingers, the amber liquid barely touched. Alec heeds the silent plea, holding the glass out for Magnus to take. Once it's empty, Magnus lifts himself up with a quick, "I'll go get us something else to drink."

 

As Magnus disappears into the kitchen to rustle through his supply of alcohol, Alec realizes what's so _off_ about this. He's gotten close to people before, especially Aline Penhallow a few years back, and it hadn't felt anything like this when she told him that she was moving. Alec knows he's head over heels for Magnus, that part isn't surprising, but it seems like Magnus is struggling with this too in a way that Aline didn't. 

 

Magnus returns with drinks that are almost translucent and hands one to Alec. The first sip burns, of course, but it's much more tolerable than the whiskey was. He finds himself pulling more and more of the drink into his mouth, surprising himself when the last drop lands on his tongue. When they'd done this before, Alec could never quite finish his cocktail. Perhaps it's the knowledge that he'll be losing Magnus soon that helps the liquid slide down his throat with ease. Alec really doesn't want to examine that thought any further, and discover just how much this man has come to mean to him. 

 

"Thank you." Magnus finally breaks the lengthy silence, both men frowning at their empty cocktail glasses but refusing to get up. The alcohol warms Alec's extremities and momentarily makes him forget why he's here. That Magnus is leaving. 

 

"For what?" Alec feels his posture loosen, sinking deeper into the cushions and throwing one arm over the back of the couch. Magnus seems to gravitate towards him, his upper body dangerously close to breaching on Alec's personal space. Not that he'd mind. 

 

"I know it sounds cheesy, but... Everything. You, Izzy, and Jace have become like family to me in such a short time, and I hate feeling like I'm leaving that behind. But I've wanted this since I was eight, I can't pass this up." Magnus' gaze drifts to the ceiling, seemingly uncomfortable from opening himself up so genuinely.  

 

Alec doesn't know how to respond. His words always freeze when it matters the most, and he lets out a self-deprecating chuckle. "As you know, I'm awful with words. But... don't let us hold you back, Magnus." 

 

Magnus' warm brown eyes meet his hazel ones again, until he finally nods. As unpleasant as this conversation was for both of them, relief dissolves whatever weight was resting on Alec's shoulders all night. There's always going to be that part of Alec that's breaking into pieces because Magnus is leaving, but he can't bear the thought of keeping Magnus from his dream. 

 

Magnus brings them more drinks throughout the night. At some point they end up on the floor, hip to hip as they rest against the front of the couch. If Alec was sober, this position would make him ache almost immediately. But with four cocktails worth of alcohol humming through his veins, there's nowhere he'd rather be. 

 

* * *

 

Waking up in Magnus' living room _should_ elicit some sort of panic response, but the sight of Magnus' wood carvings and various paintings is something Alec would gladly wake up to every morning. He knows it's cliché, but he loves that the first thing he saw this morning was the essence of _Magnus_. And the evidence of the very talent that's dragging Magnus away from him, but Alec's choosing to ignore that. 

 

The bright green pillow under his head works wonders at preventing a crick from forming in his neck, though he can feel the ache from his head spreading down and fanning over his shoulders. Magnus appears by his side in a blur of gold and burgundy, a cup of water and painkillers in hand. 

 

"This is the brightest color I've ever seen," Alec groans, lifting his head to give the pillow a weak glare. Magnus chuckles at him, setting the cup down on the table and patting at Alec's arm gently to get him to sit up. Alec redirects his glare to Magnus instead, sinking into the pillow and giving it an indignant hug.  

 

"Is this hung over Alec or just morning Alec?" Magnus teases, a laugh escaping him when Alec responds with another groan. "Alright sunshine, you really should take these though."

 

Magnus watches with a growing smile as Alec stares down the painkillers. After a few minutes, he throws himself into a sitting position with a wince and fishes the pills off of the table, tossing them into his mouth. Despite the pounding in his head, Magnus' velvety voice is as soothing as ever. "You should eat something, too. Do you like toast?"

 

"Yeah," Alec replies, grateful he decided to use his voice instead of nodding, knowing the movement would've put him in agony. When Magnus steps towards the kitchen, Alec tries to stop him. "Magnus, you don't need to cure my hangover. I'm fine."

 

"It's my pleasure, really." He gives Alec a warm smile, disappearing into the kitchen. Alec hears the rustling of a plastic bag, the clang of the toaster as Magnus drops the bread in. His morning grumpiness fades, overcome by the intense fondness Alec feels for this man. The room around him comes into focus, his tired eyes landing on an open textbook lying on one of Magnus' chairs. Magnus was studying. A fresh wave of guilt washes over Alec, and he drags himself off of the couch to fumble towards the kitchen. 

 

The sound of his footsteps seems to startle Magnus, his raven hair flopping a bit as he lifts his head. It amazes Alec that someone can look this good after a night of drinking. Magnus' hair is still perfectly in place, though Alec is certain that his own looks like it met a tornado. Magnus' eyeliner seems thinner than the night before, some glitter falling down to his bronze cheeks. Alec has only recently accepted that it's okay to look at Magnus like this, to let his eyes wander when Magnus wears low-cut shirts. Now that Magnus is leaving, it feels like a last ditch effort to hold onto him. To commit every inch of skin that he'll allow to memory. Alec isn't certain which sensation is worse, the guilt and shame he used to feel when admiring Magnus' body, or the desperation he feels while looking at him now. 

 

"You're quite the wily one in the morning, huh? It's delightful," Magnus teases, dropping the toast onto a paper plate. Alec feels his heartbeat speed up at the possibility that Magnus caught him looking, a flush undoubtedly spreading across his pale cheeks. "But I'm making you breakfast anyway, and you can't stop me."

 

"I don't want to interfere with your studies," Alec says, struggling to keep his voice even so Magnus can't hear his relief. Though Alec is curious what would happen if he stopped hiding it, finally spoke up and told Magnus exactly what he's doing to him. The chance that Magnus would stay if he knew keeps Alec's mouth shut, the thought of keeping Magnus from his dream job making his stomach churn. 

 

"What do you want on your toast? Jelly? Jam?" Magnus ignores him, tugging his fridge open to reveal an impressive selection of spreads. Alec grabs the grape jam, leveling the collection of jars with an incredulous look. 

 

"Why?" Alec asks, his gaze not moving. Magnus rolls his eyes at him, taking the jar from his hand and popping it open.

 

"Because I like sweet things. Which is, incidentally, why I'm doing this in the first place." Alec loves the way Magnus' voice drops an octave when he's flirting, wonders how much lower he could get it if he just had the courage to act on his feelings. But he's run out of time, it seems. 

 

"Are you insinuating that I'm a 'sweet thing?'" It's ridiculous, but the phrase has warmth spreading through his body, his pulse speeding up. Alec wonders how long this harmless flirting can continue before their reality catches up to them. Magnus looks up and gives him a coy smile, dropping the jam-covered knife into the sink.

 

"Yes. Now eat your breakfast." Magnus pushes the plate into Alec's hands and walks away, his textbook already settled into his lap once Alec decides to follow him. Alec settles back into Magnus' comfortable couch, and takes a few bites of his toast. He does feel better with food in his system, but he's reluctant to say so after putting up such a fight. Magnus' voice is quiet as he says, "I have more studying to do, but you're welcome to stay if you'd like."

 

"Do you want me to?" Alec isn't sure where this courage is coming from, maybe there's still alcohol in his bloodstream. Magnus' russet eyes flick up to his, searching for sincerity. He must find it - which doesn't surprise Alec as he's never been anything but sincere with Magnus - because he gives Alec a slow but certain nod. "Then I will."

 

"The TV shouldn't distract me, if you need some entertainment." Magnus motions towards the remote, and Alec heeds his suggestion. Alec flips through the channels, perfectly content to sit in relatively comfortable silence with Magnus like this. A lump rises in his throat when he realizes just how domestic this is, existing together while they both do their own thing. 

 

About half an hour in, it dawns on Alec that he's still a total mess right now, despite the relief that the food and painkillers may have provided. His hair needs a good brushing, as do his teeth, and he's still wearing yesterday's outfit. "Actually, I should go change. I _will_ be back, though."

 

Magnus just nods and gives him a dismissive wave, totally engrossed in his studies. Alec slips into his own apartment, the drab interior feeling a lot less like home than it usually does. Still, he hopes the physical wall between them will ease the tightness in his chest. 

 

As he strips down and collapses onto his bed, the distance between them only makes it even harder to breathe. With a sigh he forces himself into clean clothes, boxers(which are, naturally, black), black pants, and a dark grey shirt. He steps into his bathroom, wincing at his reflection before running a brush through his hair. The taste of alcohol on his tongue is replaced by fresh mint, and Alec finally feels somewhat presentable. 

 

He keeps his promise and lets himself back into Magnus' apartment, greeted by the sight of Magnus still buried in his book. The TV is still playing some show about magical sisters, and it's like Alec never left. He lies down on the burgundy cushions of Magnus' couch, feeling more at home than he did on his own bed as his feet dangle off of the edge. Magnus looks up, spots his dark grey shirt, and chuckles.

 

"Can you do something for me, before I leave?" Magnus' voice is flat as he drops his gaze back to the book in his lap, and Alec struggles to stave off the anxieties that claw to the surface. 

 

"Yeah, of course."

 

"I want to see you in a green shirt for at _least_ five minutes." Alec snorts at this, crossing his arms as he turns his attention to the TV. He'll do it though, he'd do anything for Magnus at this point. Including staying by his side, and swallowing the words he so desperately wants to say even though he feels like he'll be crushed by the weight of them. He needs another drink.

 

* * *

 

Alec finds himself completely fixated on this TV show, called _Charmed_ he's learned, when Magnus startles him by slamming his textbook shut. 

 

"Well that's quite enough studying, let's go get coffee!" Magnus moves to grab the remote, plunging the TV into darkness as Alec protests quite loudly.

 

"Hey! I was just about to find out where Leo has been all this time-"

 

"Heaven, which is where you'll end up if I don't get my hands on a delicious caramel macchiato sometime soon." Magnus deadpans as he slaps Alec's hand away from the remote, and motioning impatiently towards the door. Alec sighs heavily, but secedes anyway. He's never seen Magnus this excited, and he'll give anything to keep it from ending. 

 

When Magnus disappears into his bedroom and returns with Alec's jacket on, Alec is overcome by the urge to grab him by the unzipped sides of the jacket and pull him flush against his body, show him what he's been thinking by crushing their lips together. But he knows he can't, he doesn't want to ruin the little time they have left together. Or risk unintentionally convincing Magnus to stay, to give up on his dreams. 

 

So he just follows Magnus out of the building, his lips sealed shut out of fear that anything he says will be a poorly concealed confession. He has no idea how he'll survive this month. The walk to the coffee shop always feels so much longer when Jace is dragging him here for the nearby gym, but that might be because Magnus' presence is far more comforting than the torture of working out. 

 

"Magnus!" A young guy with short brown hair and an overwhelming air of excitement calls from behind the counter. Despite Magnus' smile, Alec hears him let out a strangled breath. 

 

"Hey, Simon. Grande caramel macchiato please." Magnus cuts in before Simon can say anything else, and Alec can already tell this guy is a talker. Another guy walks up, about the same height as Simon with spiked brown hair and a vibe that's entirely lacking in excitement. "Oh, Raphael, you're here too? If I'd known that, I wouldn't have come. What do you want, Alec?"

 

"Uh, just a vanilla latte I guess," Alec turns to Simon, adding as an afterthought before Simon can use it as an excuse to talk more, "Medium."

 

"Great choice! A vanilla latte is actually the first kind of coffee I tried. Been hooked ever since!" Simon grins at Alec, who crosses his arms. 

 

"I really don't think you should be drinking coffee," Alec deadpans, making Magnus chuckle. Magnus puts his hand over his mouth as Raphael slaps his arm with the back of his hand. 

 

"But it tastes so good! It reminds me of this movie I watched once-" Alec stops listening after that, choosing to thumb through the dollar bills in his wallet while Magnus is distracted. He hands Simon the money, smiling innocently at Magnus once he notices. 

 

"Simon, are you harassing my student?" Alec looks up at the sound of Professor Garroway's voice, smiling softly as his eyes land on his teacher, arm wrapped tightly around his wife's waist in a half-hug. Simon uses the word 'student' to launch into a spiel about his Accounting class.

 

"Does he ever stop talking?" Alec asks, pointing at Simon who is _still_ talking while making their drinks, though Alec supposes Simon's probably complaining about his attitude this time. Luke laughs, his face lighting up with one of his signature smiles that turn some of Alec's classmates to putty, and claps his hand against Alec's shoulder.

 

"Don't bet on it." Luke's words earn a grin from Jocelyn, and Alec has to fight to keep his own smile under control. He's been doing that a lot lately; or at least, he was. Before he found out that he's losing Magnus. Still, Luke is so proud of his family and loves telling the class stories from his past. To actually see him standing next to the woman he loves, it's heart-warming and envy-inducing at the same time.

 

Simon places their drinks onto the counter, seemingly considering Alec a lost cause and turning to Magnus instead. He opens his mouth to say something, but Magnus raises his hand to shush him. "Simon, you're sweet, but I haven't had enough caffeine to care." 

 

"Wow. You two are perfect for each other." Simon lets out a humorless laugh, glancing between Magnus and Alec. Alec hopes Simon doesn't notice the way his breath catches in his throat, those words plunging him back to reality once again. It's harsher each time it happens, but he can't resist the illusion that everything's fine, that Magnus isn't leaving.

 

Before he can even recover, Magnus is pushing Alec's latte into his hands, grabbing his wrist and pulling him outside. Alec feels bad about the sudden exit - Luke at least deserved a goodbye - but he's glad to be away from the prying eyes as his illusion shatters. 

 

"I keep forgetting," Alec says, voice heavy with disbelief. He looks at Magnus, expecting him to say something. But he just gazes at Alec attentively, waiting for him to continue. "That you're leaving."

 

It's already starting to get dark, even though Alec feels like he's only just started his day. Their steps have fallen into sync, Alec purposefully taking smaller strides for Magnus' sake. Magnus seems intent on studying the ground, and they're almost back to the apartment building by the time Magnus responds, "Me too."

 

Alec decides to set his alarm for the morning, wanting to do anything in his power to keep the broken expression off of Magnus' face. They drink too much that night(again), both biting back the words that are on the tip of their tongue.

 

* * *

 

The shrill alarm tears through the silence, and Alec immediately realizes that he didn't think this plan through. He sits up with a groan, silencing his annoying phone, before noticing the lack of a warm body that should be right next to him.

 

He doesn't dwell on it, just sets his sights on the coffee shop, hoping Magnus doesn't wake up before he makes it back. As he stands at the counter, forcing a smile as Simon tells him a story he doesn't care about, Alec wonders if this is what love is. Tolerating unpleasant conversations while getting someone their favorite coffee, just so you can see their face when they realize what you've done for them. 

 

Alec opens the door to Magnus' apartment right as Magnus stumbles out of his bedroom, hair sticking in random directions and his makeup smudged. Alec can't help but smile, it's refreshing to see Magnus rumpled and sleepy. While they're both sober, anyway. He places the coffee on Magnus' table and heads into the kitchen, uttering a 'good morning' to Magnus as he walks by. 

 

Magnus joins him eventually, caramel macchiato in hand as he sips from the straw, eyes closed with unashamed appreciation. Alec frowns, grabbing a clean glass and filling it with water, offering that to Magnus instead. When he doesn't grab it, Alec takes a deep breath and plucks the coffee from his grip, replacing it with the glass of water. 

 

"Wow, that was brave," Magnus deadpans, but lifts the glass to his lips anyway. Alec chooses to ignore him for now, setting the coffee down to search through his cabinets, dropping two pieces of bread into the toaster once he finds it. Magnus watches as Alec digs through the fridge, finding the jar of jam that Magnus uses the most - raspberry jam - and placing it on the counter.

 

Alec shoos Magnus away every time he tries to help, rummaging through the cabinets to find everything he needs on his own. Alec knows he's a caring person, knows that there isn't anything he wouldn't do for his siblings. He just isn't sure when Magnus became a part of that too, maybe because he always has been. But knowing that Magnus is leaving, every fiber of Alec's being is screaming at him to _do something_ , even if that something is just making him breakfast. 

 

So he swipes a knife across the pieces of toast, knowing that this isn't nearly enough. But he's determined to care for Magnus just like he cared for Alec yesterday, bringing him food and painkillers for his undoubtedly pounding headache. Magnus has taken a seat on the couch, and glances up as Alec pads into the room. The way Magnus' eyes widen as Alec hands the plate to him breaks his heart. He must've thought that Alec was making the toast for himself. 

 

They've talked so much over the weekend, and Alec wonders if the current silence is proof that they've run out of things to say, or if they're both just too scared to say what they're thinking. That this weekend was lovely in a strange way, and they don't want it to end. That the weekend ending only brings them one day closer to losing each other. But Alec really does have a mountain of class work to do, unfortunately. 

 

"I really should get started on my class work..." Alec trails off, Magnus' face noticeably falling as he pauses mid-bite of toast. Alec understands his friend's hesitation, as soon as Alec leaves, the world they've created here in Magnus' apartment will evaporate. But they both knew it wouldn't last forever. And it was incredible, while it lasted. 

 

"Of course. Thank you for... all of this," Magnus says, motioning to his food and the coffee that has made its way back into Magnus' hands. He's smiling, but it only reaches his eyes for a few moments. Alec excuses himself, knowing that the longer he stays, the harder it'll be to leave. 

 

That night, as comfortable as his bed is, Alec finds himself wishing he was back on Magnus' couch, dreaming about warm brown eyes and bronze skin as Magnus sleeps beside him.

 

* * *

 

The school week drags by, both too busy with homework and studying to spend any time together. It hits too close to home, being unable to see Magnus and knowing that their time is running out. Two weeks left, and they're wasting this one.  

 

Professor Garroway notices how lost in thought Alec is, of _course_ he does, and asks him to stay after class. Luke is by far Alec's favorite teacher, between his witty humor and charming family stories, both of which are outshone by his proficiency at teaching. But he still feels a lump forming in his throat as the other students filter out of the room.

 

"I know, there's probably a million things you'd rather do than talk to your professor. I just wanted to make sure you're okay, you seem awfully distant lately," Luke says as Alec makes his way up to his teacher's desk, taking a seat right in front of him. 

 

"I'm fine. Just... Not looking forward to these next few weeks." Alec realizes as he says it that he's yet to tell his siblings about Magnus leaving. 

 

"Why?" Luke's face twists with confusion, and Alec just _knows_ that he's going to tell this man everything. There's something so genuine about him.

 

Alec sighs, searching for a simple way to explain without giving too much away. "My neighbor is moving. Pretty far away."

 

He isn't sure if Luke is just really good at reading people - or if Magnus has completely destroyed his mask - but Luke's face settles into a knowing expression. One he's seen from Izzy so many times, especially over winter break. Perhaps his love for Magnus has become so strong, that he simply lacks the ability to hide it.

 

"Yeah, I recognize that look now. It's the same one I've seen Clary with when a boy has broken her heart. Have you told this neighbor of yours how you feel?" Luke removes himself from his chair, circling around to the front of his desk and resting against that instead. 

 

"I-It's not that simple," Alec stammers, earning a chuckle from his teacher.

 

"Alec, it's _always_ that simple," Luke says, placing a hand on Alec's shoulder now that he's close enough to do so. He's interrupted by his phone ringing, Alec finding Luke's generic ringtone amusing. Luke sends him an apologetic look and swipes the answer icon.

 

"Hey, Alaric!" Luke pushes himself off of his desk and begins pacing around the classroom. Alec tunes out the rest of the conversation, not wanting to intrude.

 

"Looks like I'm going out for drinks with my old partner. Tell your neighbor how you feel!" Luke pulls his jacket on, pointing at Alec with the hand that's still holding his phone. "I want to hear _everything_ when you come back to class on Monday, okay?"

 

Alec knows it isn't going to happen, there's no way he'll be able to tell Magnus that he's fallen for him, but he can't fight the smile tugging on his lips.

 

* * *

 

That Friday night, Alec's searching through his wardrobe to find an acceptable outfit to change into when there's a frantic knock on his door. 

 

"Alexander! I..." Magnus' words seem to get stuck in his throat, but Alec understands anyway. He doesn't miss the way that Magnus takes a subtle step towards him after Alec opens the door, knows right then and there that Magnus feels the same way. But he also knows that it doesn't matter, he doesn't have it in him to ask Magnus to stay.

 

"Drinks?" Alec watches Magnus' crestfallen expression form into a gentle smile instead, and he decides to forget about the outfit he'd been working on. They've spent too much time apart as it is, so he just follows Magnus over to his apartment once again, hoping for another unforgettable weekend. 

 

It feels like home when he steps into Magnus' living room, he's so distracted by how much he's missed this that it takes him a few minutes to notice the bare walls. The paintings and the miscellaneous wooden decorations are gone, presumably packed into one of the boxes lining the wall. Just the promise of Magnus leaving has Alec's heart broken into pieces, he's not sure he can handle how it'll feel to actually watch him leave. To wake up the next morning, knowing Magnus isn't there anymore. 

 

This time, the alcohol doesn't take the edge off. Three cocktails in, and they're seated on Magnus' couch, Magnus shamelessly pressed against Alec's side. All Alec knows is that he _wants_ Magnus, feels no trepidation as his hand lands on top of Magnus', threading their fingers together. He glances at Magnus though, wanting to make sure that he hasn't disrespected his boundaries. He gets his answer when Magnus gently places his head on Alec's shoulder. The sensation grounds him, though he still feels weighed down by their dwindling time. 

 

Magnus doesn't let go of his hand to make drinks, just drags him along with a flirty grin. The touch is addicting, Alec would follow Magnus anywhere if it meant their fingers could stay entwined. He's broken out of it by the boxes sitting along the counters, the kitchen as bare as the living room is. The hand wrapped in Magnus' squeezes involuntarily, pulling Magnus' attention away from the martini shaker in his free hand. Alec's about to protest when Magnus drops his hand, until he's wrapping his arms around Alec's middle, his head fitting perfectly in the crook of Alec's neck. Alec's arms circle around Magnus as well, pulling him impossibly closer as he gives in to the desire to sink into the embrace, eyes closing of their own accord.

 

It's like a dam has been broken, and Alec just can't stop touching Magnus. He buries one hand in Magnus' raven hair, ignoring the voice in the back of his head saying that that might not be appropriate for a simple hug. But Magnus doesn't object, just presses even more into the embrace. Alec has no idea how long they stay there, more than content to just burn how heavenly it feels to have Magnus' body against his own into his memory. 

 

* * *

 

Magnus' graduation day arrives, despite Alec's fervent wishes that it wouldn't. Alec wants to stay in bed, pretend this isn't happening at all, but he knows Magnus deserves a proper goodbye. Even if it'll kill him.

 

He can hear a commotion next door, which he expected. Moving isn't exactly quiet. It takes all of his strength to join them, his heart falling into his stomach when he sees Magnus getting into the elevator empty handed. They're done already. 

 

Magnus sees him and holds the elevator door open as Alec jogs towards him. Despite the presence of his friend in the elevator, Alec's arms are suddenly full of Magnus' warm body, his hands fisted in the front of Alec's ratty black shirt. He ducks to rest his forehead against Alec's chest, and it's so painfully _intimate_ that Alec feels his pulse quicken. He's not sure what to do with his hands, too afraid that he won't be able to let go if he puts them where his instincts are telling him to.

 

The elevator rings as the doors open, the sound telling Magnus that it's time to remove himself from Alec. Ragnor places the last box in the trunk of his antique-looking car, and their time has officially run out.

 

"Promise me," Magnus says, voice sounding broken as he fishes his phone out of his pocket. "Promise me that I'm not losing you for good. You better text me _every day_ , Alexander."

 

"You'll be too busy for that," Alec replies quietly, switching phones so they can both add their numbers. 

 

"Every day," Magnus insists, holding Alec's phone hostage and leveling him with a stern look. There's no heat behind it, but Alec relents anyway.

 

"Okay." Alec's throat seems to tighten over the rest of the words that he wants to say, their fingers brushing as they switch phones once again. It takes everything he has to pull his hand away, to pull himself out of Magnus' personal space. To let him go.

 

"Goodbye, Alexander." Magnus backs away, understanding Alec well enough to know he won't get a response. Alec's voice is still frozen, his chest aching with each step Magnus takes. 

 

As he watches the car pull away, he knows that this is it. That he'll never see Magnus again. His legs threaten to give out underneath him, so he backs into the nearest wall, seeking something solid as his world shatters more and more with each repeat of Magnus' words. _Goodbye, Alexander_.


	11. 'Til You Sink In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh, I'm sorry this took so long! Between getting addicted to a few games, and just really not wanting to write this somewhat painful chapter, it just took forever! As always, thank you [Kareena](http://highwarlockkareena.tumblr.com/) for betaing! And I want to thank all of you who for sticking with me! There's still more to come, hopefully it won't take me a month this time!

Magnus knows this numbness will fade. Part of him is itching to start working, mind buzzing with possible future projects. But the other part feels like he's been drenched in freezing water, a sensation that never really faded after he realized he'd have to leave Alec behind. He's tired of the war between the two emotions, opting instead to just tune all of it out, watching the road disappear behind them with a still mind.

 

It lasts for an hour. Magnus can't believe how utterly unfair it is, having to choose between Alec and his dreams. Why couldn't he have both? It seems his sulk has taken full effect, his body slouching into the seat, arms folded over his chest. 

 

"He could've been the one, Ragnor." Magnus' voice trembles, drawing Ragnor's eyes away from the road momentarily. 

 

"He seemed nice," Ragnor muses, and Magnus has to resist the urge to laugh. Nice is an understatement. Though Alec seems to have a mean streak, if you're Simon and you don’t know when to stop talking. 

 

"He is," Magnus replies, turning to look out his window. The ironic truth is that Magnus doubts he would've taken this job if it weren't for Alec. Alec makes Magnus doubt the awful things he's always believed about himself, showing him instead that he does deserve good things. He hoped one of those things would be _Alec_ , but he feels that possibility fade with each town they pass through. 

 

"Hey, do you remember Maria?" Ragnor's question is so sudden that Magnus blinks a few times to clear the confusion. He does remember Maria, he just has no idea why Ragnor's bringing her up now.

 

"Your health-nut ex? Of course, she's the sole reason Raphael and I get along," Magnus teases, the memories bringing a smile to his lips. Maria, while being one of the nicest people Magnus has ever met, lived by an absurdly healthy lifestyle that just... didn't flow very well with Ragnor's. Maria would talk about glutens while Ragnor was eating a McDonalds. When they broke up, Magnus and Raphael comforted Ragnor by hitting the gym themselves, bragging about it relentlessly to torment him. The memory eases the pain in Magnus' heart a little, though he figures that was Ragnor's intention in the first place.

 

"God, I hated you two so much after that break-up. Actually, I still do. Why am I letting you move in with me, again?" Magnus doesn't answer, just sends Ragnor a sarcastic look. The rest of the trip feels lighter, and Magnus finds himself able to breathe again.

 

* * *

 

Ragnor's new place is smaller than Magnus expected but just as drab as the last one. Magnus absolutely does not compare its blandness to Alec's apartment. He forces the thought that Ragnor and Alec would've gotten along to the back of his mind, though the task becomes much easier when he hears the frantic pitter patter of furry feet on Ragnor's hardwood floor. The sound is followed by Chairman's small voice forming something that's closer to a shriek than a meow, and he swoops down to gather the cat into his arms.

 

Chairman wiggles in his grasp but doesn't ignore the chance to rub his furry face against Magnus' cheek, meowing enthusiastically. Magnus expected the Chairman to be mad at him for being away for so long, but the purring tells a completely different story. As Chairman buries his head in Magnus' neck, it dawns on him just how exhausted he is. Between moving all of his stuff to Ragnor's trunk, and removing himself from Alec, Magnus has no energy left anymore. 

 

"I'll unpack later. Right now, I need to catch up with my cat. It's been years, you know." Ragnor rolls his eyes at this but leads Magnus to his bedroom regardless. The room is less furnished than usual, and his bed rests on the floor. He'll fix that eventually. It’s more than fine for sleeping on for now.

 

Magnus plucks his pillow from Ragnor's grip, drops it onto the mattress, and gives Ragnor a dismissive wave of the wrist. Finally alone, and neck-deep in one of the worst sulks Magnus has ever had, he drops himself onto his new bed. Chairman curls up by his chest, still purring while Magnus fights back tears. The cat must notice Magnus' uneven breathing, looking up at him and meowing. Magnus runs a hand through his smooth fur. The love that he once felt for this cat rushes back to the surface as Chairman snuggles even deeper into the warmth of Magnus' chest.

 

They lie there in silence for hours, until Magnus' text alert rings through the room. He fishes it out of his pocket, heart skipping a beat when he sees 'Alexander' flash on his screen. He opens the text, trying to process the fact that Alec put himself in Magnus' phone as _Alexander_. Until the simple 'hi' breaks Magnus' heart all over again. He watches with misty eyes as Chairman lifts himself to sniff at Magnus' phone, and something inside of him shatters. Magnus buries his face in Chairman's warm fur, finally letting the tears fall.

 

* * *

 

There's something surreal about feeding Chairman Meow for the first time in two years. Especially since it's also his first day on the new job. He studies the bowl Ragnor got his cat, white with 'Chairman Meow' in purple lettering. So much has changed since he's been gone, even within himself. 

 

"Catarina is visiting us tonight, so try not to be too unpleasant," Ragnor teases, joining Magnus in the cramped kitchen. Even after his lengthy sulking session last night, Magnus isn't certain he's capable of so much socialization in one day. He has a new boss to impress, after all. But he does want to see Catarina, wants to sit down with his two closest friends and escape into the good old days. Before one part of his life fell apart so another could fall together into the gaps left behind.

 

"I make no promises," he utters as he watches the Chairman enjoy his breakfast, wondering if his own stomach will stop churning long enough for him to get some food as well. A fresh wave of nausea answers that question for him.

 

Magnus likes to put on a facade, convince the whole world that he has every answer you could ever need. Pretend that he has an infinite supply of confidence. And even though he knew Raj in college, it's different now. They're no longer equals, which makes his rebellious side bristle with indignation. He has an inherent pull towards leadership, which only seems to fuel his eccentric personality. From the color of his hair to the way he interacts with people, Magnus doesn't let _anyone_ dictate anything about him.

 

His consistent lack of a car means Ragnor has to drive him to work, and Magnus can already tell this dependence is going to get old, fast. He's in awe of the building towering above him, the structure almost reminding him of an ancient church. Magnus wanders inside, too focused on his surroundings to notice as Ragnor drives away. Raj spots him and saunters over with a welcoming smile. 

 

"I suppose I shouldn't be so surprised that interior decorators would have such an elegant building," Magnus muses, taking in the long sloping halls and stylish front desk. He appreciates the dark color scheme, the swirls of deep purple and royal blue on a black base. Even the few employees he can see appear to abide by the same scheme, subtle splashes of color blending into various shades of black clothing. He would feel out of place if that were a new sensation. He craves the unique, and his art certainly reflects that. Raj didn't hire him because he's like the other employees, he hired Magnus because he's different. 

 

"It's a lot like a fancy hotel, isn't it? We even have our own gym! I don't know why I always brag about that," Raj wrings his hands together, his easy smile falling into a strained one. 

 

"I'll keep that in mind. What're we doing first, boss?" Magnus asks, hoping to put Raj at ease. The place seems successful if it isn't a facade, so Magnus can imagine that Raj has a lot on his plate. He doesn't want to be yet another source of stress. 

 

"Oh, lots of fun things that new hires everywhere always look forward to. Paperwork, some videos to watch, typical orientation stuff." Raj motions for Magnus to follow him, and heads down the hall. Magnus can't help but admire the building again, inspecting the intricate designs carved into each door frame that they pass. It's an effective distraction from the nervousness pooling in his stomach. They stop at a closed pine door, a plaque to the side that reads "Raj, Chief Executive Officer." Raj slips his key into the doorknob and leads Magnus into his softly-lit office. 

 

"Take a seat, these are the comfiest chairs ever," Raj gathers some papers and a pen, sliding them across his desk to Magnus, "Ready? This is going to be the most boring thirty minutes of your life."

 

* * *

 

Magnus is excellent at pulling people out of their shell, and Raj is no exception. His own nerves have calmed significantly, mostly thanks to the sheer joy Magnus gets from teasing his new boss. What he and Raj both expected to be the longest day ever actually flies by, helped along by Magnus constantly bringing up embarrassing things Raj did in college. 

 

"Meliorn _works here_? He does know you were hitting on him all through that last semester, right?" Magnus laughs, legs casually propped up on another chair. Raj has a design program open on his computer, but they both stopped looking at it hours ago. Perhaps this isn't the best way to spend his first day, but Magnus doesn't care. He'll still pick up on their programs immediately. 

 

"He really is gorgeous... shame it's illegal for me to think that now." Raj sounds a bit forlorn, but Magnus can't help but chuckle at the exaggeration. A quick glance at the clock reveals that Magnus' shift is almost over. Part of him doesn't want this to end, the easy banter keeping his mind off of his shattered heart. But Raj lifts himself from his seat, and motions for Magnus to follow as they walk to the nearest time clock. 

 

He's surprised to find Ragnor waiting for him as he leaves. He gives Raj a quick wave, and climbs into the car, meeting Ragnor's expectant gaze. So Magnus tells him everything, from how boring the paperwork was to the blush that warms Raj's russet brown skin every time Magnus teases him. Ragnor shakes his head at Magnus' antics but stays silent as his friend rambles.

 

"Oh, and you'll never guess what we have in our building," Magnus starts, grin spreading across his lips.

 

"If you say 'a gym,' you're walking home." Ragnor slows the car, sending Magnus a pointed glance. 

 

"Fine. We have a wide variety of exercise equipment," Magnus teases, laughing at the glare he earns from Ragnor. 

 

Once they make it home, Magnus barely has enough time to pick up Chairman before there's a knock on the door. The sound is quiet, most likely the result of exhaustion after a busy day. Catarina. In all the years Magnus has known Catarina, this is the first time the sight of her awful turquoise scrubs has felt like a blessing. Normally he silently - and sometimes quite loudly - mocks her choice of clothing, but right now he's just so happy to see her that it feels like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. 

 

"Oh, Magnus," she says, pity written all over her face as she pulls him into a hug. Magnus thought he'd been hiding his heartbreak pretty well, but apparently not. "You never learn, do you?"

 

"It wasn't like that this time, Cat," Ragnor speaks up, patting Magnus on the shoulder. Catarina pulls back, her hands resting on Magnus' biceps as she searches his face for evidence that Ragnor is telling the truth. 

 

"I know we weren't the best friends that we could've been when you and the devil split up," Catarina glances at Ragnor, who nods in agreement, "but we're going to make it up to you. We're listening, if you want to tell us about him."

 

Magnus usually hates it when Ragnor and Catarina conspire behind his back like this, but he'll allow it this time. His phone picks this moment to chirp, lighting up with a message from Alec when he pulls it out of his pocket.

 

"He's, uh, good at keeping promises," he says, voice thick with emotion. Magnus didn't even respond to his text last night, but Alec's texting him again, just like he said he would. 

 

"What a keeper." Cat's tone is dry, but Magnus laughs anyway. He does appreciate her sense of humor sometimes. He knows Cat wants to point out that his previous lovers have been spectacular at straying from their word. He was beginning to wonder if it was his fault somehow, until he met Alec.

 

They file into Ragnor's living room, Magnus' eyes glued to Alec's text. He has no idea what to say. There really isn't much left to say, short of the truth that he's been busy building walls around. Alec has always been detrimental to his walls, though. Alec's text consists of a glittery book, and the words 'reminded me of you.' Innocuous enough, except for the fact that Alec's shift at the library ended hours ago. Did he take the book home with him, that desperate to feel close to Magnus again? Or did he stumble with his words for hours, like Magnus has always known him to? The possibilities have warmth spreading through his chest, turning to ice when he realizes that none of them matter. They're many cities apart, and Alec's dedication to his promise will fade eventually. 

 

Ragnor slinks into the room, carrying a pizza box which seems to perk up Catarina. Magnus decides to put his broken heart away for now, grabbing a slice of pizza out of Cat's hands and reveling in the deadly look she gives him. 

 

"Thank you for the pizza, Ragnor," Catarina starts, slapping Magnus' hands away from another slice, "but next time, put everything that Magnus hates on it."

 

"I was hoping that my blandly decorated house would make him lose his appetite," Ragnor replies, his fake morose tone earning a sarcastic smile from Magnus.

 

After a few more bites, Catarina collapses backwards into the couch, her eyes falling shut. Cat overflows with dedication when she's working, so this is a common sight after a shift at the hospital. She's too busy tending to injured people to take care of herself. As much as Magnus loves helping people, he can't imagine sacrificing his own needs like Cat does. And here she is, exhausted, but still caring for a friend who has once again had his heart broken. 

 

"Well, it's been a long day," Magnus pauses to rise to his feet, "why don't we retire for the night?" 

 

He's tired too, but it's more for Catarina's sake. When he finally climbs into bed, Chairman Meow curling into place on his chest, Magnus pulls his phone out again. He runs absent-minded fingers through the cat's grey fur, a soft smile on his lips as he reads Alec's text again. Magnus pulls Chairman up further and hugs him, bringing him into the frame so he can take a picture of both of them. 

 

'Wow, pretty,' is Alec's immediate response, which Magnus takes a second to show Chairman before typing a reply.

 

'Me, or the cat?' Magnus figures he knows the answer to that, but he remembers how it feels to tease this man, and desperately wants to feel it again. Even if it's just over text.

 

'Both.' Alec's reply comes quickly like he didn't even hesitate to send it. As much as Magnus finds Alec's shyness endearing, he feels a flash of pride.

 

'Even without the glitter?' Magnus chews on his lip for a few seconds, uncertain if he should send the text or not. Is there any point to flirting anymore? Perhaps it's just cathartic because he gets to reveal the things he kept hidden all this time, little by little. He hits send and settles into bed, expecting their conversation to fall flat because of his question.

 

'It's not the glitter that I miss.'

 

'I miss you too, Alexander.' Magnus reaches over to switch off the lamp, a feeling of lightness to him that will probably only devastate him in the morning. But he cherishes it for now, wraps himself in the knowledge that Alec misses him, and falls asleep.

 

* * *

 

Another easy day at work comes to an end, though Magnus is itching to get this orientation stage over with. He wants to get out there and put his creativity to use. He just needs to get through another week or so, and he'll be taking clients and decorating their spaces. Until then, he's going to spruce his room up a bit. It's far too dull to be _Magnus'_ room.

 

They're nearing Ragnor's house, when Magnus glances out the window and spots familiar blond hair and lightly sun-kissed skin. His heart skips a beat.

 

"Wait, Ragnor, pull over," Magnus urges, his gaze fixed on Jace. 

 

Ragnor obliges, but opens his mouth to express his confusion. Magnus ignores him and leaps out of the car. Jace freezes for a second, before speeding up to meet Magnus. 

 

"Magnus, what're you doing here?" Jace pulls him into a half-hug, and Magnus can't help but sink into it. This has to be a sign. 

 

"I live here now, what are you doing here?" Magnus fights against the hope threatening to rise in his chest, tells himself that Jace's presence doesn't necessarily mean anything.

 

"Our parents live here, dude." Jace smiles, but Magnus watches it fall as he pieces everything together. "Hey, why don't you stop by on Monday? I can text you the address."

 

"Alec's coming home for spring break?" Magnus gives up fighting, lets the hope show in his voice. 

 

"Yeah, he is. What's your number? I really gotta get to work, but I'll text you the details later," Jace says, motioning to a building in the distance. The precinct, Magnus realizes. So Magnus gives him his number, watches in a bit of a haze as Jace jogs away. 

 

"Please think about this, Magnus," Ragnor speaks up from behind him, his voice cautious. But Magnus can't hear him over the sound of every fiber of his being rejoicing at the thought of seeing Alec again. 

 

* * *

 

Magnus should've known he wouldn't be able to sleep. He's stuck in fantasy after fantasy of what will happen when he sees Alec again. He's sure that none of them are accurate, but it's uplifting regardless. He spent nearly a month preparing himself to lose someone who may be the love of his life, he's allowed to pretend that this reunion is more permanent than it probably will be.

 

But he works tomorrow, so he has to fight this off somehow. He kicks the blanket off, startling a sleeping Chairman Meow, and pads through Ragnor's house to the living room. The room is softly lit, and he can see Catarina's coarse brown hair fanning against the top of a couch cushion. 

 

"I'm sure your fiance misses you, Cat," Magnus mutters as he rounds the couch, taking a seat next to her. She turns her head towards him momentarily, her eyes heavy with exhaustion. Catarina closes her eyes and leans into Magnus' side, resting her head on his shoulder. He glances at her face, concerned, but all he finds are her eyelashes dancing across her umber cheeks.

 

"Can't sleep, either?" She asks, and Magnus chuckles at the fatigue in her tone.

 

"You sound like you're about to pass out," He teases, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and squeezing. 

 

"God, I wish. Got Alec on the mind?" Cat apparently has enough energy to tease back. Magnus rolls his eyes at her.

 

"I'm just... not sure if this actually means anything." Magnus could talk for hours about his fears, but he doesn't want to keep Cat awake for too much longer. 

 

"It might, it might not. There's only one way to find out." Cat pushes herself off of Magnus' shoulder, running a hand through her loose curls. "Like that time I asked you to braid my hair for a dance, remember? You were convinced you'd do it wrong."

 

"I researched for _hours_!" Magnus laughs, remembering how badly his hands were shaking as he twisted her hair into a fishtail braid. It's one of his fondest memories, both of them maneuvering through their dancing classmates, brimming with confidence because Cat looked _stunning_. Even though he knew his braiding talent is nothing like her mother's.

 

"And that night was better than either of us expected! Go get your man, Magnus." Cat playfully slaps Magnus' arm, rolling her eyes when he feigns hurt and rubs the spot with his palm. But Magnus can tell when he's being dismissed.

 

"Goodnight, Cat."

 

Catarina is fast asleep before he even makes it off of the couch.

 

* * *

* * *

 

Alec tries to convince himself that everything's fine. He's dealt with constant weight on his shoulders from his parents for his whole life, he ought to be used to things not going his way. He should be _happy_ for Magnus, which he is, but everything in Alec's life has lost its flair. He knows things have just gone back to how they were before Magnus. His life was just greyed out moments that would excite anyone else before Magnus added his touch of burgundy, magenta, and gold to Alec's every second.

 

So he just pretends it's always been that way, buries Magnus' absence as deep as he can. It works just fine until Alec leaves for work. Magnus' door is wide open, letting two workers file in and out with large canisters of white paint in hand. He sneaks a glance, but the dull white paint covering Magnus' essence feels like a strike to the chest. It's like they're covering Magnus up, erasing any evidence that he was once so sturdy by Alec's side. Alec feels his connection to Magnus fray even more, finally tearing his gaze away. 

 

Work goes as it always does, repetitive but intriguing. He loves the weight of a good book in his hands, loves the shrinking list of books he has yet to read in the library. The building is rather small, at least in comparison to the expansive libraries he's visited many times in Brooklyn. With every book he returns to its designated spot, his confidence rises. He can do this. Pretty much everyone experiences this at least once in their lifetime, right? The heaviness in his chest won't actually kill him, no matter how much he feels like he could suffocate at any moment.

 

His initial reaction once he finally spots the glittery book is utter disbelief. Who would make something with that much glitter, aside from Magnus? He finds himself snapping a picture of it, just to prove that it's real. Alec hopes that, if he were hallucinating due to missing Magnus too much, his mind would be more creative than this. But it's real, and Alec realizes just how incapable he is of doing this. All day he's been pushing Magnus as far back as possible, and all it takes is a book to destroy all of his progress?

 

Suddenly, Magnus is everywhere. Alec can smell a faint hint of caramel wafting over from the lesser known coffee shop next door. There's a man waiting at the desk whose hair style resembles Magnus'. One of the students studying nearby has shimmering black nailpolish on. In a haze, Alec brushes against someone whose shirt feels like Magnus' maroon and gold tunic that he loved so much. Alec squeezes his eyes shut, trying to distance himself from all of the sensations. 

 

Alec supposes this is what he gets for repressing his feelings. Izzy always warned him that this would happen, that everything would build until it exploded. He had no idea this is what she meant, but he wishes that he'd learned this lesson sooner.

 

He's not one to wait by the time clock as his shift comes to an end. But he's found that focusing on going home has cleared the haze a little, eased the weight on his chest. Alec nearly sprints home, slamming his front door and throwing himself onto his plain couch. The beginning of his class comes and goes, but Alec just stares at his blank TV screen. He figures this is an unhealthy way to cope with heartbreak, but he doesn't trust himself to keep it together long enough to survive class right now. 

 

He must fall asleep, because the next time he opens his eyes the whole room is shrouded in darkness, but his chest is still heavy. He had no idea emptiness could weigh him down this much. Alec wonders if it's the sound of workers filing in and out of Magnus' apartment that is making him feel so alone, begrudgingly decides to test this theory.

 

Alec forces himself to stand, keeps fighting with his mind and body all the way to Magnus' favorite coffee shop. The scents of the coffee shop almost knock the wind out of him as he steps inside. Alec keeps hopelessly chasing after one means after another to feel close to Magnus again and fails every time. Standing here, bathing in the absurdly dim lighting, Magnus has never seemed further away.

 

"I _need_ off for Purim! Which is why I requested the time off back in _August_!" Simon's voice shakes with anger, which takes Alec by surprise. Simon seems so chipper all the time. Alec doesn't know what 'Purim' is, but he assumes it's important if annoyingly upbeat Simon is this upset.

 

"Yeah, well, you have a customer, Lewis." Alec can't see the woman Simon is speaking to, but he can see the way Simon narrows his eyes at her. Simon takes a deep breath, and turns to Alec with an obvious fake smile. Alec pushes his pain as far down as possible, slipping into his usual nonchalant mask.

 

"Sorry about that, Alec. What can I get for you?" Simon makes his way to the counter, his hand poised over the monitor as he waits for Alec's order. He doesn't seem to expect small talk, which sends a flash of guilt through Alec. It wasn't Simon's fault that Magnus was leaving, he had no right to take it out on him.

 

"Grande caramel macchiato. What's 'Purim'?" Alec mentally pats himself on the back for remembering the odd names for coffee sizes, contemplates texting Magnus about it. 

 

"It's a Jewish holiday coming up in a few weeks. My favorite, actually." Simon flashes him one of his crooked smiles, something Alec really doesn't have the energy to handle right now. So he just rolls his eyes.

 

"I'm pretty sure it's illegal for them to refuse religious time off..." Alec muses, handing Simon the appropriate sum of money.

 

"Yeah, you hear that Tiffany? Illegal!" Simon turns to shout loud enough for his supervisor to hear, and Alec can't stop his small smile from forming.

 

Simon bickers with his supervisor the whole time he's preparing Alec's drink. Alec watches, thoroughly amused. Simon is so caught up in the argument that he doesn't even spare Alec another glance, just drops the warm drink on the counter and follows his supervisor into the back room. Alec picks it up and heads outside, enjoying the mildly chilly air. He takes a sip, the taste eliciting memories that make his throat tighten. With a sigh he drops his head back against the building, fishing his phone out of his pocket.

 

When he texts Magnus this time, it's less about keeping his promise and more about clinging to the remains of whatever their relationship was turning into. Despite his lack of experience in this area, Alec knows it was romantic in nature. Remembers the fluttering in his stomach whenever Magnus would touch him. He doesn't see a reason to hide it anymore, Magnus is already gone. So when he sends a picture of the glittery book to Magnus, Alec isn't worried that he's giving too much away, even wants Magnus to realize that Alec misses him.

 

Alec wishes there was a stronger word for this sensation because calling it just him missing Magnus is one hell of an understatement.

 

* * *

 

Alec lounges in one of the coffee shop's chairs for a few minutes, waiting for (and dreading) a reply from Magnus. But a reply never comes, and the itch to do _something_ about the situation he's in rises. But he can't, so he settles for avoidance. 

 

He should've known better, should've known that he can't avoid this forever. All it'll take is one person who knows the truth, and his mask will shatter to pieces. Naturally, he comes face-to-face with that person on his way to the punching bags. Luke's watching Alaric lift weights, a bright grin on his face, but his expression falls when his eyes land on Alec. He pats Alaric on the leg, rising to his feet and heading in Alec's direction. Alec feels the inexplicable urge to run; not from Luke, but from the truth he knows Luke is going to drag out of him. It's easier to hide when no one knows the truth.

 

"I'm not mad," Luke starts, his hands raised in a calming gesture. Alec's been so busy pitying himself(and trying his damnedest to fight it) that he completely forgot that he’s been skipping Luke's class. Despite Luke's words, guilt adds to the myriad of emotions making it difficult for Alec to breathe.

 

"I'm sorry." Alec isn't sure exactly what he's apologizing for anymore. Skipping class, or for being so pathetic that he can't even go a few days away from Magnus without spiraling into a whimpering mess? No wonder Magnus left.

 

"I've skipped a class or two in my day. It's no big deal, everybody does it." Luke smiles, clapping Alec on the shoulder. Luke must notice that the words don't comfort Alec much, because his eyebrows furrow with suspicion. "You didn't tell him."

 

"I couldn't." He nearly chokes the words out, struggling to keep his mask in place. 

 

"Well then, I'm the one who's sorry. It's okay to take time off to focus on healing, Alec. In fact, it's necessary." There's something to the tone of his voice, and the tilt of his smile, that has Alec suspecting that Luke is talking from experience. He knows of Luke's devotion to his family, wonders if there's more to the story than Luke lets on. 

 

"I'll be alright," Alec says after taking a deep breath, the lie so obvious that he feels the urge to roll his eyes at himself. He's drowning, and Luke can see right through him.

 

"When you're ready, we want you back. Your classmates actually have to answer questions in your absence, and they're not thrilled about it," Luke teases, giving Alec's arm an assuring squeeze. "Until then, I should really get back to Alaric. Take care of yourself!" 

 

Alec watches Luke walk away, not wanting to admit it but feeling lighter now that the truth is out. Still, he pours all of his helplessness and grief into his fists, takes it all out on a punching bag until he no longer feels the urge to cry.

 

* * *

 

The next day, he brings the glittery book home with him. He's nearly done with it when his doorbell pulls him back to the real world. Logic dictates that the only person it could possibly be is Izzy, but the hope that it's Magnus has Alec's heart racing. Still, as Izzy greets him from the hallway, he realizes how long it's been since he's seen her. 

 

Izzy storms past him, and starts pacing around his coffee table. He gives her an inquisitive look, but she just rolls her eyes and keeps moving. Alec shrugs and takes a seat on the couch, propping his legs up to block her path. 

 

"I think I have a crush on my new friend," she finally says, coming to a stop by Alec's legs. This, he can handle. Big Brother Alec is something he has extensive experience with. Something that will distract him from how empty he feels.

 

"Why is that a problem?" At this, Izzy starts pacing again. In all of his years as Izzy's big brother, he's never seen her quite like this. He's seen everything from impressive pouts to outright hysterics, but never this emotionally reserved. That's his thing, not Izzy's.

 

"Maybe Clary wouldn't like that I see her that way?" Izzy's words bring memories to the surface, of days when Alec used to feel the same. Thinking that your feelings for someone of the same gender are inherently wrong, something they would hate you for if they knew. 

 

"Come here," he says, a gentle smile on his lips as he holds his arms out. Izzy falls into place beside him on the couch, lets him pull her into a tight embrace. "Your crush on her is no different than what you felt for Meliorn, okay?"

 

"It feels different. I just don't wanna scare her off, y'know?" Izzy pulls back to look at her older brother, her brown eyes sad. 

 

"If it's that easy to scare her off, then she isn't worth your time anyway." Alec watches as her eyes fill with tears, worried he's said something wrong until she hugs him with so much force that he falls back into the couch cushions.

 

"God I've missed you, big brother. I'm sorry I've been away for so long." She's probably getting his shirt wet, but since everything Alec wears is black, it doesn't really matter. Alec wouldn't care, no matter what color his shirt was.

 

He's about to respond when his ringtone cuts him off. He glances at the caller ID - Jace - and gives Izzy's shoulders an apologetic squeeze.

 

"Jace? You don't normally call this late, what is it?" Alec's eyes shift to Izzy, whose eyebrows have pulled together with worry.

 

"Yeah, I know," Jace's voice is quiet, exhausted. "Mom and dad are, uh... They're getting divorced."

 

"...What?" Alec can't really say he's surprised. He's never considered his parents the definition of 'true love.' But still, the news has a weight settling in his gut.

 

"Max hasn't stopped crying since we found out. I don't think he really understands what's going on. He just knows it isn't good."

 

Alec doesn't know how to respond, so he meets Izzy's gaze. Jace takes Alec's silence as his cue to continue.

 

"Max needs his older siblings, Alec." Alec hears the implied ' _and so do I_ ' in Jace's tone. He wonders how long Jace has been trying to comfort Max, growing more and more frustrated when nothing works.

 

"We'll be there. See you soon Jace."

 

"I love you!" Izzy pulls the phone from Alec's ear, but he can hear Jace chuckle and say 'I love you too, Izzy' before hanging up.

 

Alec takes a deep breath as he stuffs the phone back in his pocket, wondering why the whole Lightwood family had to have a crisis at the same time. In a way, he's grateful for the distraction from his own crisis. They'll go home Monday, back to Brooklyn where he can finally get away from the life he almost had. 

 

* * *

 

Alec waits in front of the building, his clothes stuffed into the least amount of bags as possible. Izzy waits by his side, her expression stony as she wars with her emotions. They're both excited to see their mother again, but the memories of the damage she's caused just won't go away. 

 

Maryse rounds the vehicle, coming to a stop in front of her children, her sleek black hair pulled into a professional-looking ponytail. Her brown eyes are glossy as she studies them, her eyes falling shut when a tear finally falls. 

 

" _Mamá_ ," Izzy says through tears, breaking the thick silence. Maryse takes a step forward, and that's all it takes. Izzy runs into her mother's arms, sobs wracking her body. 

 

"I'm so sorry," Maryse hugs Izzy tighter, gaze flickering to Alec. He takes it as an invitation and wraps his arms around both his mother and sister. Alec's hazel eyes burn with tears that he's held back for years, tears that mingle with his most recent heart break as well. 

 

Alec pulls away, letting them have a moment to themselves, and starts piling his and Izzy's bags into the car. He glances at them again, noticing the way his heart constricts at the sight of his mother and sister, crying as they silently acknowledge their broken bond. He always knew college was just an excuse to get away, and watching them, his resolve breaks. He glances back at the building, to his and Magnus' old windows, and finally makes the decision that has always been coming. Alec throws what's left of the luggage into the vehicle, and climbs into the backseat knowing that he won't be coming back.

 

* * *

 

Three hours later, and Alec pauses to take in the house that he's spent so much time from. This is where he actually belongs, though that thought has a solemn tint to it.

 

"Alec!" Max is a blur as he rushes towards Alec, who instinctively crouches down to catch him. Izzy drops her bags and joins them on the ground, laughing when Max takes off almost immediately after hugging her as well. "Come on guys, let's play hide and seek!"

 

Max leads them through the expansive house, rushing so much that Alec doesn't get a chance to admire the luxurious flair Maryse has added since they've been gone. She prefers whites, greys, and light pearly pinks, nothing colorful enough to rival Magnus' skill.

 

Jace meets them outside, and though he's just arrived, Alec finds himself pulled into a nostalgic game of finding Max. Though Jace doesn't miss the chance to grab Max and tickle him, filling the backyard with his pealing laughter. He always hides in one of the trees. Jace and Izzy circle around the trees, searching for Max's clothes within the leaves and listening for his tell-tale laugh as they get close. Alec feels lighter than he has in over a month.

 

He notices Maryse out of the corner of his eye, watching her kids play together for the first time since him and Izzy left, until she walks away with a sad smile on her face. She's relaxing on her bed with a book in hand when Alec finds her.

 

"A cheesy romance novel, really?" Alec teases as he enters the room, examining the man and woman on the cover who look like they're about to kiss. Not exactly the kind of book he expected his soon-to-be-divorced mother to be reading. She shrugs but places the book on her nightstand, studying her son's face. 

 

"Perhaps I'm naive to still believe in love, but-"

 

"No, not at all," Alec interrupts her, sitting on the bed and turning to face her. She turns her gaze to the little green flowers etched into the comfortor, and Alec can tell she's carefully choosing her next words.

 

"I'm sorry. Not that I expect your forgiveness. I wanted you to be better than your father, to commit without even thinking about straying. But that's no excuse, I know I've hurt you deeply." She places her hand on Alec's, and months ago he would've yanked it away. Forgiveness won't come easy, he knows that. But he's tired of living solely to rebel against her, figures Izzy probably is too. Everything else aside, that's why they're both here right now. And that's why he's staying.

 

"Yeah, you did," Alec starts, surprising himself with what he says next, "but there's someone important that I wouldn't have met if not for our fight."

 

"Oh yeah?" She gives Alec an oddly knowing smile, and he inwardly curses Jace for telling her about Magnus.

 

"Yeah. Magnus, my neighbor. I'm sure Jace has told you all about him." Except for the part where he moved, because not even Jace knows that. He's done keeping it a secret.

 

"Just a little," Jace says from the doorway, Izzy poking her head into the room by his side. 

 

A whole week Alec has been hiding this from them, and he really doesn't know how to break that habit. So he just comes right out with it. "Magnus moved."

 

"What?" Izzy crosses the room to sit by his side, draping an arm over his shoulders. "Why didn't you tell me? You let me go on and on about Clary, I had no idea..." 

 

Maryse squeezes his hand, giving him a sympathetic smile. "My strong boy, just like I raised you to be. But I was wrong. It's okay to be weak, Alec."

 

* * *

 

The conversation dies down after that, and Izzy drags everyone to the living room to give Maryse some space. It isn't until Max snuggles into his side that Alec realizes how suspicious Jace's silence was. Alec shrugs it off, mind calm as he watches Jace and Izzy fight each other in various video games. He cards his fingers through Max's flaxen hair, smiling as his little brother presses even closer. It feels so normal, like he and Izzy never left. 

 

The melodic doorbell rings through the peaceful atmosphere, Jace and Alec both turning to look at each other simultaneously. Jace flicks his blue and brown fragmented eyes back to the TV screen, his lips pressed oddly tight. "Hey, can you get that? Izzy will win if I get up."

 

Alec sighs and rolls his eyes at his lazy brother, but carefully removes Max from his side and rises to his feet anyway. He's missed the way these floor boards creak beneath his feet. He pulls the door open, a cautious smile on his face, until the familiar sight standing in front of him makes his breath catch in his chest.

 

"Hello, Alexander."


End file.
